Scarleteen

In my previous post I mentioned that me and my ex gf broke up due to some issues in between us. I want to share those here and would like some advice on if i did correct by dumping her.

So the story starts in September 2023 when i told her that i have feelings for her and that i would like to get into relationship with you. But she said that she likes me too but don't want to get into lesbian relationship and suggested indirectly about transition. When i heard about transition the first time i was not thinking about to get into relationship with her but when i read so many articles about transition, FTM, dysphoria i realised that what i am experiencing all these years was dysphoria and nothing else.

So i decided to start my transition. During that time we got into relationship started pretty good. But not so long she started hinting me to get top surgery or start testosterone.
I was like ok but i need time then she used to get angry and after that all time used to go into making her not angry. I started losing my sleep and my studies got weaker. We were in same institute studying for same exam. I was a topper student and she was average student. I am mentioning this cause if i scored less every teacher and sir used to taunt me but not her. We were benchmates too.

I asked her multiple times that i want break in like January or February of 2024 but refused. In March 2024 her cousin sister married to a boy against her parents will and that impacted on my ex gfs family and my ex gf promised her father that she will not get into relationship. When she told me this i was shocked she then explained me that we will pretend that we are friends. I wasn't ready but she said that this is final.

In April 2024 i left my institute cause i didn't tell anyone there that i am FTM or transitioning and thus listening everyone misgendering me without correcting them. So i left the institute. Now everyone in that institute was asking my ex gf about me that why i left , how am i amd everything. I told my gf that tell them not to ask you or ignore them but she said that we will tell them that my deadname is a different person and my new name is different person who used to stay at a different place due to family problems. I opposed her but she started saying that I don't trust her and i think that she is dumb for even thinking that. We had huge fight about it and eventually she started giving this story out.

First she told it to one friend of hers without even asking me and then when that friend was like ok then she told me that her story is non suspectable. I said fine but tell only to your classmates and don't say anything to any other person she agreed. But then she started saying that till my voice doesn't change we will not talk( i was not even on testosterone) and cause i left the institute and didn't had anyone other than her to talk i started taking some random tablet of testosterone from a local brand which started affecting my health. I gained 10 kgs in 3 months. Now that i was obese she started saying that we will not meet until i get my top surgery done. I was like i have to get my top surgery done anyways then if i do it now she will still be with me , so i started taking online psychologist sessions got into process of transition with help of my mother and family and got my surgery done in June 2025.

After my surgery my done i had multiple complications and didn't recover till August 2025. I started T in September 2025. After that i started healing perfectly fine though i need another surgery.
Now from September 2025 till now many series of events happened
First was i started feeling comfortable in my own body due to surgery and my bottom dysphoria was reduced cause i had bottom growth which i was very proud of.

Till January 2026 i used to send my nudes to my ex gf ( i used to crop the part of vagina cause i knew if she sees it then she will get mad). She used to reply mild. I always used to question her why does she reply so mild. In October 2025 since my testosterone was increasing my libido went high which was high even before starting testosterone. And me and my gf was in long distance relationship. We used to sext but only according to her mood. So one day i told her that i masturbated she asked how and i was startled cause that was unexpected question i said like how i used to do always vaginally she said stop doing it . I asked why she said you are man . I was not ready for such discussion cause it is my autonomy and my decision what i do alone and i explained her about this she said either you stop doing it or break up with me . So i stopped doing it . Before this discussion we used to sext. But after this discussion everytime i tried to sext she was getting very angry at me .

I tried communicating but she always changed the subject. I told her that i really need to masturbate I can't stop it right away. She said ok cause i was very angry at that point.
After a long time in December 2025 she said once that she is asexual, i said ok and asked why do you think so ( cause i was curious to know that cause before that point we used to do sexual things but only for her like i used to finger her or give her oral and she used to enjoy it) she replied that i don't feel sexual anymore. She then continued that she doesn't want to have any sexual relationship. I said ok if you genuinely don't want to then its fine, but if the reason is that i masturbate vaginally then i will not be committed in this relationship. She started saying things. Then she agreed that she was distancing herself from me sexually cause she didn't liked my genitals and kept on saying that she is straight and can't even touch vagina. I said fine but i was deeply hurt.

Then i started analysing evrything she said. And i realised that she doesn't accept me as me there is a picture of me in her mind which she wants to get true and then only she can love me. So i said to her that i am not going to get bottom surgery ever. And i noticed a difference in her behaviour towards me. She started giving me less time and even if she gave me time she was always fighting with me sometimes it was my family sometimes it was my past sometimes it was sex and everyday was a fight day and my important exam was in April 2026 and that exam requires atleast 6 months of hard study.

I kept asking her to give me time . I even blocked her but she somehow messaged me everytime. In January 2026 i was talking with my sister about this and she said that take break sometimes its important. I asked for break but she said let work on our sexual relationship i said ok cause i wanted this relationship to workout. She asked different things that if i would like if she fingered me i was hesitant cause i haven't had that experience before so i said maybe not. She said that if we used dildo for you like she will wear it and she will top then i changed the topic. She even sent me some links of dildo , i thought maybe she is really willing to do this stuff . I said if you are fine with doing this then i won't have problem either. Next day she started fighting again and i had no clue why she would fight out of no where so i asked her why are you mad . She said that I want her to do lesbian sex with me. I explained her that i don't want her doing those things but if she is saying things herself then it was different. I was so disturbed at that point cause my grandfather was seriously ill and on ventilator. I even gone to her house for speaking face to face but when i reached there she started getting angry and fight with me again.

Now i had enough so i asked her for break in Feb ending 2026 but she refused again. And that day in anger in told her that i am bisexual.( Backstory: when we got together i tried telling her that i had crushes in school on multiple boys some even liked me back but i never got into relationship with anyone accept her. But everytime i tried saying anything about my past she used to get angry and say that its past where i wes girl and she doesn't want hear anything about it. So i decided that its better to keep it for myself. I know i should have told her before but her behaviour was so psycho that i chose peace instead of truth)
After telling her that i am bisexual she said things that literally was disrespect of mine. And in March starting 2026 i had lost my grandfather who i love very much and she knew that it was hurting me but still she said things so mean that i lost interest at that point it self. After that i blocked her completely and broke up . She msged from other no. Saying she is commit suicide if i don't give her chance so i gave her chance but she was not changing herself she was still disrespecting me for being bisexual. And i had enough and every night she was msging me that she doesn't want to live anymore but I told her that her family should be her important place not me .

Now she is stable but i have lessen the contact. We are only followed on Instagram that too cause she says she doesn't want to lose me. She says that she have accepted me full heartedly but i don't believe it.

Now in this situation I don't know if i have done right thing or not by breaking up with her.
Now my exams were over and just got my results and its not good.
I had time , knowledge and everything but if there was not this much fights i have gotten into prestigious college but now i have to settle for less.

I am so devasted cause in this relationship i lost my school friends, my chance to get into college, my mental peace and also my physical health ( due to those tablets)
Please some one guide me

Hey teenage me,

Goodness, you’ve been through some really difficult times with this ex. I am so sorry to hear that so much of this happened to you, that she chose to treat you this way, and to hear about the lasting effects it’s had on your life. Thank you for opening up about this. I’d be glad to help guide you in processing these events.

To say it plainly first, it sounds like you did the right thing for yourself by ending the relationship. I’m very glad to hear that you’re away from this person. There’s a few details that are sticking in my mind:

1. Suggesting you take specific steps in your transition (HRT, top surgery, etc.)
2. Not listening or “refusing” when you asked for space or to leave the relationship
3. Telling your personal story to others without your consent and continuing to do so after you talked about it
4. Getting mad at you for masturbating and trying to tell you not to masturbate

First, I’m concerned about how she suggested transitioning because she didn’t want to be in a lesbian relationship. Further, her suggesting you have top surgery or take testosterone before you wanted to or expressed those intentions is pretty controlling and unhealthy. Your transition is your choice and you should be the one to make decisions about your body and how you want to present to the world. I’m so sorry to hear that she did all this. How are you feeling about your transition now? You mention that now you’re struggling with your physical health. Want to talk some more about that?

The next big detail that stands out and makes me glad you’re away from this person is that when you asked for a break multiple times, she refused. It is really never okay to try and make someone stay and prevent someone from leaving a relationship they don’t want to be in. I imagine that must’ve felt really crummy when you tried to get away but weren’t listened to or respected.

Also, asking that you “pretend to be just friends” while preventing you from exiting the relationship or even taking space is really not how we want to be treating each other. It’s striking to me that she did this because of a family issue, and then treated you cruelly when you had a family tragedy.

Looking at all of these details together, this sounds like a relationship that took a lot of your autonomy away and that is not okay. Particularly when you’ve experienced dysphoria, having your autonomy and boundaries not be acknowledged seems especially hurtful.

How do you feel hearing all that? I want to ask too, is there a specific form of support you’d find most helpful here?

Thank you KierC for taking your time out reading the whole post is really something to be appreciated.
I am 1 year post top surgery and after breaking up with her I am really enjoying everything single thing around me and appreciating the things i wasn't grateful for before. So i am pretty happy about my transition, yes it was fast but i think it was meant to be cause my grandfather while passing away saw me as his grandson for first time and that was great thing for me( i lost my father when i was 6 years old and my grandfather was only father figure for me after my father's death )so his last acknowledgement was for short span of time but it was great. My dysphoria has been weakened so much that i have finally started to heal mentally as well. And about my physical health i have lost 5 kgs but i am not able to lose more weight even if i have tried everything. When i did my blood test my some levels was dangerously high that i had to do lifestyle changes for past 3 months strictly. Now i am doing well. But i really want to lose atleast more 10 kgs so that I won't be seen as obese.
So i could use your advice on weight loss as well. I have literally tried everything for 3 months but nothing changed except my blood levels.
Your words means alot. I appreciate your help and support. I am really grateful that i came across this website so that i can make friends and discuss my problems, happiness, everything with you guys.
I have a thing to tell that,
When i was a kid 6 or 7 years old, my cousin brother sexually assaulted me.
He would strip up my clothes and kisses and licks all over my body. I tried to stop him multiple times but because his family always used to blame me and used to think that he is the innocent one. He kept on doing it . I said i will tell my sister and mother but he started saying things about my recently dead father and at that moment my mother was suffering from depression and i didn't want to creat more problems for her i kept quiet until my sister found him doing that shit . She protected me. But i always had that trauma about my body. And now in this past relationship too it was my body which was disliked and judged. So i am not comfortable to get into relationship with anyone anymore but on the other hand i do want a partner i can rely on that he or she or they will never leave me alone. I am having nightmares about my cousin. Also my cousin was 1 year younger than me but I couldn't do anything about it. Also his mother my maternal aunt also knew he assualted me but she didn't do anything about it. She didn't even scold him for doing that.
There is a whole series of events with that one cousin only, which are so much traumatizing.
I want to stop those nightmares
Thank you once again KierC

Hi there, teenageme.

It seems like you have another account with us that you used back in October 2025. As per our user guidelines, you're only allowed to have one account per user, and if for some reason you get locked out of one and have to make a new one, you should let us know so we have your history of posts as reference. Can you let me know if that's what happened, or why a second account was created?

Regarding what you just shared with us, I do want to say that I'm so sorry it happened and you've had to deal with the trauma from it. Have you been able to talk to any mental healthcare professionals, such as a therapist, about it?

I also wanted to ask if you can try to keep posts a bit shorter and stick to one topic at a time, and within that, the topics should be within our scope as a sex education service. For example, we cannot help you with weight loss, and we can only address one thing at a time. So with that said, what can we help you with currently?

Hi Sofi,

I did have an account in October 2025, but I lost both the password and the login information for it. I tried to recover the account, but I wasn't able to regain access, so I created a new account. I wasn't trying to have multiple active accounts or avoid the rules.

Thank you for letting me know about the one-account policy. I'll follow it going forward.

Also, thank you for your concern regarding the trauma I shared.