Scarleteen

Hi! I'm new to this platform and thought that this would be a nice space to talk about this and other things. But yeah, I'm 17 and recently bought myself a sex toy and lube, but I live with my grandparents and a few uncles.

The lube is supposed to come in tomorrow and the other is supposed to be Sunday? I did order them together, but they have different dates anyway. I keep getting excited, but then start to feel bad because I think of what if my grandmother sees it? I love her so much.

Sorry if this is messy, my brain is going very fast.

Hey Catbusc00l, welcome to the boards.

First of all, would you like clarifying your age, since there's a bit of inconsistency? As per our user guidelines, we need our users to be truthful about their age.

As for your sex toy and lube, do you know if they're packaged discreetly? Also, it sounds like your other family members have no idea about your purchase—how do you think any of them would react if they found out? Additionally, have you had any conversations about sex and sexuality with any of them?

Hey! Yes, I am 17 as of right now, but I will soon turn 18 in a few months. Maybe I put my birthday in wrong last night? I apologize for that. But no, none of them know about it, but I'm sure that the package for the toy is discreet while the other isn't? I'll have to look back and see.

I think who I'm really worried about is my grandmother you know? She or my mom hasn't really given me the sex talk or said anything about masturbating. I remember getting caught a few times when I was young. My uncle is probably the one that effected me the most because of how mad he looked.

Hi Catbus12c00I!

That's unfortunate that your family seem to have some hang-ups regarding sexual health and pleasure. That sadly isn't uncommon though. A lot of people in the older generations received a lot of sex-negative messaging in their life and never had or took the opportunity to unlearn it.

I do hope the packaging comes discreetly. Maybe keep an eye on the tracking so you can be sure to be home when the package arrives?

Do you have any reason to believe your grandmother would find out besides if she saw the packages? Do you have your own room/private space? This definitely isn't something she needs to know about nor are you obligated to discuss it with her-- you're entitled to private parts of your life, especially your sexual life.

If she *does* find out or see the package somehow, I think you just have to be prepared to set some boundaries with her. Something like, "I understand why this might be upsetting for you, grandma, but this is private and I don't wish to discuss it with you."

And if she continues to push, you can say something like, "We're just going to have to disagree on this."

Does that sound realistic?

I would say so. Now that I think about it, when a package comes in, no one really asks what's inside or what you got. Not really? I feel like she would suspect something because of how I'm acting, which would be nervous.

It's the last part of myself that I'd want her to see. It's already hard doing what I'm doing now (which is receiving the toy). I wanted it because I've been eyeing it for so long and I want to explore with myself more. Also, I did check, and yes, both of the packages are discreet I'm sure. It's just so hard dealing with this feeling.

I guess I would ask you, is dealing with feeling anxious and nervous around your family worth having a sex toy to you?

If the answer is yes, then you will have to find a way to accept and be confident in this decision you have made. You are not doing anything harmful or illegal and in theory it is something that will stay private.

If the answer is no, then it might be worth waiting until you are older and maybe living on your own to make purchases like this. There are lots of ways to explore masturbation and sexual pleasure that don't require purchasing sex toys.

We have an article here about DIY sex toys for when people aren't able to purchase actual sex toys: DIY Sex Toys: Self Love Edition

I always have a rough time when it comes to confidence. I don't really think my family is that nosy when it comes to what someone ordered. I really did think of saying, "Oh! This is a gift for a friend", or "This is just some skin care." Or if things go south, I thought of just telling her and only her the truth. It's because I trust her in this kind of way.

I understand that it really isn't anyone's business what I do behind closed doors or in the bathroom, but again it's hard. I already bought them, so I think the best thing I can try to do is own it and try to comfort myself. Does that make sense?

It does! As long as you are feeling excited and empowered about your purchase that's all that really matters. I know it doesn't feel good to "hide" things but I would remind you that it's not hiding or lying, you're just keeping a private thing private. I hope over time you're able to feel less anxiety around it.

I'm also glad you feel like you can trust your grandma with this if you absolutely end up having to tell her. Good luck!