is it normal to not be able to masturbate because i am asexual?

[maxomil]

I'm asexual and have never felt the need to masturbate, but I tried recently and it didn't feel exciting or anything like that. I could feel it perfectly fine but it didn't feel satisfying or pleasurable, but it wasn't physically uncomfortable or painful at all. I know ace people can masturbate and have sex of course, so it can't just be because I'm ace, right? Is there something about being ace that makes libido and stuff different? I'm also trans ftm but don't feel dysphoria about my genitals so I would expect to be able to masturbate just fine.

[Sofi]

Hi maxomil, welcome to the boards!

The idea of libido being so widely different for everyone is often rooted in false expectations around sex in general. For example, it's normal and common for people to have a "high libido" with a partner, and a "low libido" with another partner, or solo, etc. There's so many things that contribute to our desire for sex. There are lots of asexual people who masturbate and enjoy it, just like others don't. So I wouldn't say that's directly linked to it, although it makes just as much sense for you to be ace and not really enjoy masturbation.

Hormones can be a factor in this, too, so if you're on testosterone that could influence your sexual desire in some ways. Still, this sounds like it just might not be something you particularly enjoy, which there's nothing wrong with. I'm not sure how much experimenting you've done of different ways to masturbate and different environments (so many things can affect how much we enjoy sex in general, down to the lighting in the room, other sensory things, and most importantly, our mental state when we do it). If you want to try again, you could try once you're sure you're fully relaxed and try different things to see if there's something that does feel pleasurable.

Ultimately, if there isn't and it's just not something you want to keep trying, that's perfectly okay too. There's nothing wrong with it just not being something you find pleasure or satisfaction in and therefore just don't do. <3

[maxomil]

Thanks for the reply so it's been about 6 months and I've continued trying mostly the same stuff to varying levels of success. sometimes I read erotic fiction and that definitely gets me 'aroused' (at least, that's what I assume it is) but no matter what I can never reach like. an ending if that makes sense. I've never orgasmed so I don't know for certain what it would feel like (or if I have and somehow didn't realize, everyone is making way too big a deal of it lmao /j) but I assume it feels like a sort of resolution? and I've tried masturbating at least 20 times and haven't ever felt close. idk I just wish I had the /option/ of masturbation and sex rather than just being nearly entirely immune if that makes sense

[Latha]

Hi Maxomil,

As much as we might try to encourage acceptance of how your body is (especially as opposed to driving yourself mad trying to make it different), it is understandable that you wish you had the option of exploring physical pleasure through sex and masturbation if you wanted that. It is natural to feel some frustration when you've tried something a number of times and are not getting the result you've hoped for.

We have an article that gets into one reason why someone might struggle to feel good during sex. Would you read it, and let us know if anything resonates with you? I Feel Good: Pleasure and Fulfillment