Scarleteen

Hiya,

First of all I want to say that I’m okay and feeling a lot better. I really like my job and my work mentor, who happens to be a transbian. She’s honestly given me a lot of hope regarding my own future relationships and she’s super cool

I haven’t really felt a “real” crush since I guess 2023. That one was really intense and has been a continuation of a crush that started in 2021. It ended up pretty badly, but I’m over it. I have a crush on my friend. She’s one of my ~3 people that I actually consider a friend, not just an acquaintance. She’s a lesbian, or at least a bisexual. Well something with sapphic in it. We’ve been friends since 2023. Aside from being gorgeous, she’s incredibly smart and also funny.

We’ve met two times over this summer. During our most recent meet-up, I genuinely couldn’t stop looking at her. She looked so pretty. We held hands and I rested on her shoulder for a bit. I wanted to kiss her so badly, if I’m being honest, but I don’t want to freak her out or something.

The problem is, even though we borderline cuddled and did couple-y things, these could still be perceived as platonic. I’ve observed that women in platonic relationships do this with each other too. I was also the one to initiate the hand holding and “cuddling” so I can’t really read anything from her.

I recently told her about a nightmare I had, of someone getting overly mad after I gave them a kiss. She replied with something along the lines of being scared of rejection and therefore avoiding it. Perhaps this is why she may not initiate? However I’d argue that she did reciprocate, as she rested her head against mine and squeezed my hand. But this could just be me being delusional.

We’re going to meet up again this week, so I’m planning to observe more of her body language. She also said that I can rest on her shoulder again :O Also when is a good time to initiate smooching lmk

I am so happy that you’ve found this wonderful work mentor and are doing better! And this crush sounds like a fun and positive thing as well. It is true that sometimes people do platonically hold hands or have other little bits of intimacy like that, but it does sound quite romantic.

Rather than only observing or trying to read her, I think asking her could be a much more direct way to see what she’s thinking- AND a chance to tell her what you’re thinking! It sounds scary, but if you’re thinking about when a good time to initiate kissing is, it’s usually after asking, “Can I kiss you?” and getting back a “yes” answer.

My guess is she is probably also reading your body language and actions- holding her hand, resting your head on her shoulders, looking at her a lot… so I’d wager that she’s probably at least a bit clued in to how you’re feeling, and you aren’t likely to freak her out if you tell her how you’re feeling and ask her if she’s feeling similarly.