Scarleteen

My husband and i are in our mid sixties and enjoy sex daily. He has ED due to medication for another condition, so we have not had penetrative intercourse for over a decade. However, we do digital, use sex toys, and enjoy oral sex and nipple play. We were recently at a party where a joke was made by our close friends about people 'our age' should be over acting like excited teens, and maybe it was directed at us? We still feel aroused and are intimate daily. Most of our friends think it is weird still wanting a sex life and say we are too old. I was shocked to find we are the only sexually active couple in our circle. Are we strange? Or are they?

Hey there, Gerry! I'm so glad that you asked this.

You are 1000% not too old.

In fact, studies done by a colleague of mine, Peggy Kleinplatz (herself a senior), and her research partner, Dana Menard, that studied *only* people having what they describe as extraordinary sex in long-term relationships, found that the average age for people's peak sexual experiences wasn't 18, 21, 30 or even 40. Those most often happened or started happening for people in their 50s. You're not too old, but boy, oh boy, are some people's ideas about sex!

The ideas so many people have that sex is only something for young people, or enjoyable for young people, are pretty ageist and backwards, which is a large part of why some of us older folks will find our peers thinking it's weird for us to have happy and active, especially very active (good for you!), sex lives. Sadly, a lot of them got the idea that sex is not for older people. Of course, sometimes this also comes from people where age isn't really the core issue, but instead, where what was once a wanted sexual relationship (or a sexual person) stopped being one, and where one or both people involved didn't feel like they could solve for it or didn't want to, and so are telling themselves and others that older people shouldn't be sexual anyway.

I'm really sorry if your friends who said that were making a dig at the two of you, and can only assume it came from a place of insecurity on their part. That sucks for them most of all, but it also sucks they made you feel weird about your happy and satisfying sexual life together. My hope is that some of your friends do also have sex lives at your age, but for some reason, don't feel comfortable talking about it like you do. My bigger hope is that some of the friends who find this out about the two of you are inspired, even if they don't tell you about it, and got some information that maybe, just maybe, can help them learn that happy, active sexual lives are by no means out of their reach if they want them. <3

Sex offers so many physical health benefits, as well as offering such great ways to forge and build emotional connection in our relationships and continued personal growth. So, not only is it absolutely not weird, it's something that, as you experience, really enriches your life, is good for your body and brain, and keeps your connection strong and vital in that relationship.

If you're curious about that research, this is the book that came out of it: https://bookshop.org/a/82601/9780367181376

You might also find the work of a seriously beloved colleague of mine, Joan Price -- she's just so great, I don't know where to begin -- validating and interesting, too: https://joanprice.com/