Scarleteen

i just recently got out of a relationship with my boyfriend. after the break up, i was able to look back into our relationship and think abt the good and bad parts. for context, my ex was a pretty good boyfriend. he was kind, attentive, and eager to please. hes respectful but there are times when he gets too overwhelming and overzealous especially in bed. im not a prude but it was clear to me that his libido is higher than mine.

its not his fault but there were quite a handful of times where i would dread meeting him because i knew it would either start or end in sex. i understand this part is not on him since i wouldn’t tell him that i would rather not engage in sexual acts… is what i wanted to say originally. looking back, there was a time where he wanted to have fun in a mall parking lot. i told him no since it was packed and we werent even hidden from view. i remember saying no multiple times until he looked at me like i kicked his puppy and asked why i didnt wanna do it with him.

half an hour later i found myself in the back of his car and sucking him off.

there was also another instance where i went to his house. it was abt 11:30 am and i could tell he was in the mood. i wasn’t. this time i asked if we could wait until it was at least 12pm. two hours later i was on my stomach and we did penetration “successfully” for the first time. it hurt like crazy and i had to anchor myself over and over but not so crazy that i had to audibly scream out for him to stop. it was just i was anxiously waiting for him to finish.

he was a great guy and was mostly respectful i guess. this was just the worst of it and ive been driving myself insane because the good outweighs the bad. i dont know what the goal of this post is either. i think i want validation of some kind or for someone to tell me what happened to me. a simple confirmation or even denial. ive been dealing with this breakup alone so i guess i just want to vent.

to be clear, i dont have the greatest memory due to my messed up sleep schedule. i do not trust myself to remember all the specific details. which is why its so hard for me to wrap my head around this. im not sure if im lying or my brain concocted something this absurd.

well thank u anyways for reading

Hey there cocacolaztic, and welcome to the boards. I’m glad you’ve found us here, though I am so sorry it’s under these circumstances. I’d be happy to help talk about this with you. <3

First, I know breakups can be so crummy and painful, but I must say I am glad to hear you’re safely out of this relationship and away from this person, because what you’ve described here does meet the definition of sexual assault. I see you describe him as respectful and a great guy, but that does seem to conflict with him pressuring you into sexual acts on multiple occasions. For example, It sounds like you told him no in the mall parking lot and he continued to pressure you into doing something you didn’t want to do.

Even in instances where you may not have screamed no or stop, that doesn’t mean there was enthusiastic consent either. It sounds like he pressured you past a “no” into saying yes or going along with sexual acts you didn’t want to do, which is not how consent works. We have an article on our site about what consent is and how it looks in sexual interactions: https://www.scarleteen.com/read/sex-sex ... ng-consent

I’m going to pause here and see how you’re feeling about that information. How does hearing all that make you feel? Too, is there a form of support we can offer that you’d find most helpful right now? We’re here for you and want to help however you need.