its not his fault but there were quite a handful of times where i would dread meeting him because i knew it would either start or end in sex. i understand this part is not on him since i wouldn’t tell him that i would rather not engage in sexual acts… is what i wanted to say originally. looking back, there was a time where he wanted to have fun in a mall parking lot. i told him no since it was packed and we werent even hidden from view. i remember saying no multiple times until he looked at me like i kicked his puppy and asked why i didnt wanna do it with him.
half an hour later i found myself in the back of his car and sucking him off.
there was also another instance where i went to his house. it was abt 11:30 am and i could tell he was in the mood. i wasn’t. this time i asked if we could wait until it was at least 12pm. two hours later i was on my stomach and we did penetration “successfully” for the first time. it hurt like crazy and i had to anchor myself over and over but not so crazy that i had to audibly scream out for him to stop. it was just i was anxiously waiting for him to finish.
he was a great guy and was mostly respectful i guess. this was just the worst of it and ive been driving myself insane because the good outweighs the bad. i dont know what the goal of this post is either. i think i want validation of some kind or for someone to tell me what happened to me. a simple confirmation or even denial. ive been dealing with this breakup alone so i guess i just want to vent.
to be clear, i dont have the greatest memory due to my messed up sleep schedule. i do not trust myself to remember all the specific details. which is why its so hard for me to wrap my head around this. im not sure if im lying or my brain concocted something this absurd.
well thank u anyways for reading
