Scarleteen

So basically I'm new to socializing and being in groups.

I grew up in a school where I was mostly on my own, people in the school I spent kindergarten to high school in that I'd try befriending would constantly exclude me or easily replace me. Either that or they'd get weirded out by me talking to them for all sorts of reasons. The people who I'd get to be friends with would still silently side and be friends with people who have actively tried to harm me. There's a group I got to be included in back in grade school though, but they'd talk over me so often and almost don't listen at all that I ended up leaving and no longer hanging out with them, which hurt and separated the group somehow.

Anyways, fast forward to now getting to be in a small group that's all chill and friendly, I like to think I'm a part of their group since we're in a group chat together. It's online and we're from different places, so there's timezone differences. The main people there have known each other for years and they've only known me for around 10 months, so I understand that they're closer to each other. I occasionally talk in the group chat and it's mainly only commenting to reacting to what they talked about hours before. That group is the one I talk with people most of the time in, but then again I only pop in and talk for a short while which probably looks like I only occasionally check their chat, I just really don't know what to say though but I haven't told them that. But I've also been finding a few things in common with those people, we've played games together a few times and watch shows together every now and then, which I'm happy with. But then they've been inviting this friend I have (that I included in the group just 2 months ago) that's at a very late hour for me nowadays, so I couldn't join. They've only ever talked like thrice as far as I know but already seem so friendly with each other. It took a while for me to get that friendliness from them. And it's making me feel like I'm about to be replaced again and it's because I introduced the people that I know to each other (it's also happened twice before with different people, and someone 'joked' that they're going to replace and stop talking to me and they actually did).

On top of that, everyone there just 'mentions' whoever they want to talk with in the group chat about something specific and 'their thing' which sorta makes it feel very exclusive, they can literally message each other privately so I really don't understand why they talk in the group chat when it comes to that.

Any advice for:
- What to do with feeling like being close to being replaced again?
- The people there now seeming like they'll playing at a late hour for me will be a constant and 'their' thing from now on?
- What does one do when there's not much to say and because they only seem like they want to talk to one or some of them specifically about something while in the group chat?

hi beanwater, welcome!
Navigating socializing and being in groups, especially being new to it, is far from simple!

I am sorry that you grew up with those experiences of isolation and exclusion. That sounds really hard and lonely. And I can see how now, having these friends and learning how to be a part of this group, it would be quite scary and reminiscent of times past to watch someone new become more easily folded in.

I have always struggled with socializing, though I am quite a social person and mask my anxieties. Something I find extremely useful is naming what I am feeling. Especially in a group, where there are many different people who have different connections with one another, it can be hard to have a good sense of what others are feeling and wanting.
Another thing I think is really important is distinguishing between people who have sucked in the past, and the people you are talking to now. While it can be so scary and hard to get hurt in the same way over and over, it is also near impossible to perfectly protect ourselves from hurt. It sounds like in the last ten months, they’ve enjoyed getting to know you, bringing you in as a new friend after knowing each other for years, and want to include you.

Could you try saying that the late hour won’t work for you, and seeing if some or all of the group would like to set up a weekly movie/game/show at a time that works for you?

Thank you for the welcome, mikky!
This was very reassuring and helpful, thank you so much.

I think I could try what you suggested, you're right that they aren't the people from the past, so maybe it could go well. Thank you so much again!