Scarleteen

So im trying to manage my sexuality. I am sexually attracted to boys and while i am bisexual, i am not as physically attracted to women as i am boys. I know what its like to be a woman, having boobs and period is so annoying to me, i dont wish to sexualise them. I think i sexualise men in my head and refuse to sexualise women which makes me unsure if i feel sexually attracted to women a lot of the time (i am but i am very aware of not sexualising them.) i am so sick of myself (as a woman) being sexualised and in the media women are just constantly sexualised. I really do not want to feed into that. Anyone relate?

Hi ghiblisirel,

I can actually totally understand what you mean, I have a friend who expressed the exact same thing to me recently. She is a cis woman who is attracted to all genders but she feels sort of guilty about sexualizing women, so she often ends up just dating men.

I think something to keep in mind is that intention matters. So while yes, there are a lot of people, mostly men, who sexualize women in a way that’s objectifying them (which as you know, is not respectful or okay), you can also see women as sexy and allow yourself to feel sexual attraction to them without objectifying them. It’s not wrong to, for example, fantasize about women. It might feel like you’re sexualizing them, but it’s not unethical or morally wrong to fantasize or feel attraction to people, of any gender. It becomes wrong when your words and/or actions are demeaning, objectifying, or in some way disrespectful to them. Does that make sense?

Thank you that helps a lot!