How to know when you are becoming sexual in an unhealthy way?

[Ginger!!]

Recently I stayed overnight for two weeks at a summer camp. Somehow, I still found privacy & time to masturbate & keep up with my regular habits regarding that. I didn’t get caught or anything & no one was there to see. But my roomate did interrupt once, she was unaware of what I was doing. But I decided to just go finish in the bathroom. Again, no one in sight, I wasn’t making noise or publicly doing anything. I’m just still anxious about the situation. And besides that situation, I felt comfortable & like my habit was reasonable & very private.
I’m just worried it will open up habits to masturbate in spaces I’m not supposed to. I’m scared to loose control & miss important moments that should maybe be considered.
In short, this situation has me curious of some warning signs of unsafe sexual behavior. I wouldn’t never want to put myself or others in a dangerous situation, so I’m just trying to be aware.
This may be a difficult question I realize due to everyone being different as are their boundaries. But if you’re able to give some very simple warning signs maybe? Like general ones?
I have OCD & tend to ruminate on these thoughts. And I plan to bring this up with my therapist but I would like some more info before I do.
Thank you Scarleteen Team!

[char]

Hi again Ginger!

You're right, there's not really a fixed amount or intensity of your masturbation habits for it to be considered "unsafe" or "unhealthy". It's generally agreed upon that if your sexual activity interferes with your responsibilities--like housework, school/college, and work--and social interaction with those around you, it can be a sign of a larger problem with your mental wellbeing. The issue here isn't the sexual activity on its own, but rather how the person feels about the sexual activity they're doing. Do they do it because they feel like they have no control over their sexual desires? Do they do it even though they're ashamed and feel guilty, because it doesn't align with their ideas of sex and sexuality? If they answer "yes" to any of these questions, it's a good idea for them to seek professional help--one that's nonjudgmental and sex-positive--and work on how they approach their sexuality. For some people, that can look like using strategies that redirect their anxiety into something else. For others, that can look like unlearning what they've been taught about sex and sexuality. This may not be exactly related to what you're asking, but you might find this article useful to understand what healthy sexuality looks like: What Is Healthy Sexual Development?

How do you feel about hearing this? Also, since you mentioned that you have OCD, would this be the first time that you're discussing this issue with your therapist, or have you addressed it before? If so, how was their reaction?

[Ginger!!]

I still feel a bit unsure to be honest!
My initial reaction to both of those questions were no. But I’m overthinking myself. I didn’t feel guilty & it didn’t seem to cross my sexual boundaries, I felt mostly comfortable. Obviously just high alert due to the unfamiliar environment. I’m not sure, again. I have control over my desires, like of course not being sexual in public & not infront of others without consent. But when I had a moment alone, i indulged because i wanted to. But that is the same as I do if I were home, if I’m alone & I feel like it, I’ll masturbate. So it may just be the environment that’s tripping me up.

I’ve talked about sexual OCD themes with my therapist. It was okay, she’s amazing. But not my sexual activity. I think I’ll bring it up in a way that’s comfortable & productive without sharing too much.
Thank you for the info! ❤︎

[mikky]

Hey Ginger,
I definitely encourage bringing this idea of being scared to lose control or becoming unsafe to your therapist. This sounds like some OCD driven fears, and, I can promise, you are not the only person with OCD who has fears about losing control around sexual desires. It sounds like you were very courteous while sharing a room with others, and still attending to yourself- all your actions sound quite healthy to me.

[Ginger!!]

Thank you for the advice!
Have a wonderful day