Scarleteen

I know this topic isn't any sexual question like the others but I really want to ask this because I'm struggling a lot with my parents. I'm a 14 year old girl and It's the summer break right now so I take my time sleeping in to like until 10 in the morning, but on Saturdays, when my dad is home, he will purposely blast music outside my door, open my door and barge in to wake me up, shout from downstairs, or bring my baby brother in my room to let him wake me up. I am completely capable of getting up myself with a simple knock on my door and a reminder to let me wake up but I don't get a day in this household it feels like. My parents are also complaining that I'm always on my phone, they're not wrong, but my screen time is around 5-6 hours a day whereas I searched up that the average is 7-8 hours and they are saying that I'm becoming stupid for using my phone so often. I really just need advice on how to stop this because I have insane pressure of being the oldest sister, taking car of my baby brother, trying to achieve straight A's because my parents are forcing me and that I have to be perfect and successful.

Hi justagirl123

I’m sorry to hear you’ve been stressed by pressures in your life. It sounds like things have been overwhelming and it’d be nice to have time to sleep in and be independent in your home.

Have you tried talking to your dad about not waking you up in the morning?

He won't care and will just shrug and says that I have to get up and one really annoying thing about him is him talking about patriarchy, how he's the head of the household so he can do anything he wants and my baby brother too

Hey justagirl123!

I'm sorry to hear that your father is making you uneasy with his actions It sounds like he has a very "interesting" (sarcastically, of course) view of living in a house with multiple people. Of course, he's allowed have expectations on what everyone has to do to make the house more comfortable (such as doing chores), but it seems like he's not understanding how his actions impact your wellbeing. Blasting music outside and asking your younger brother to barge into your room are two things that don't just ruin your mood, but can also disrupt your sleeping schedule and hearing in the long run. Further, you have the free will and right to wake up whenever you feel like it during your summer break, while still helping around the house when needed (except for the times where you are too exhausted; if that's the case, you should be allowed to rest). Am I understanding your situation right?

I hear you with that last response :") Unfortunately, the people we expect to care for us the most, like our parents, can be completely unresponsive, or even combative, to feedback. Never mind that your feedback (i.e. you asking him not to do any of those because it bothers you) will actually improve your relationship; because, in principle, a good relationship is something that all parties involved do their best to maintain things at peace. If anything, your dad's carelessness says more about him than it is about you. You understand that something isn't right between you and your dad, and you want to fix that so that the two of you can have a good time at home. On the other hand, your dad seems to think there's something wrong as well, but he isn't aware (or potentially refuses to acknowledge) that he has done something that hurt you. Do you get what I mean?

With all of that said, let's talk about your activities first; what have you been doing during the summer break, aside from sleeping and using your phone for entertainment? Is it possible for you to have activities outside the house, like volunteering, hanging out with friends, and so on? It doesn't have to be literally outside since I know the heat is unbearable in the UK these days, so think the mall, the library, your friend's house, and other indoor spaces you like to go to. Additionally, is your mother (or other adults in the house, if any) aware of what he's doing? If she is, what does she think of his actions?