Scarleteen

Hi, I'm 16 and a college freshman. I've never dated or had any sexual experience, but I definitely feel ready for a romantic (if not necessarily a sexual) relationship. The problem is mainly that everyone around me is older (18+) which makes the prospect of a relationship awkward both for me and for any prospective significant others. Any advice? Should I just wait until I get older to try to date? Should I work through the age difference? If so, how? I live in Texas so the age of consent is 17, which I won't hit for almost a year... I'm not planning to have partnered sex, necessarily, but it's still an issue.

Well, dating doesn't have to mean sexual activity, so it's not like anyone has to be able to -- or want to -- do one of those things to do the other.

The age of consent laws in Texas allow for a three year grace period, so should you want to be sexual with a partner, so long as they aren't more than three years older than you, there isn't a legal issue.

Congrats on your early entrance into college, by the way! Way back when, I went to a school that had an early entrants, as well. That can be both really cool and also really complicated in some ways, so if you need any support around that, feel free to ask!

Thanks so much! I think a bit of the problem is that I'm at a Christian school, so people are a little more strict about these things... Also, I think some people see me as less mature because I'm younger, which puts them off. Nothing I can do about that, though. :/ Anyway, thanks again!

I get how that could be frustrating! One thing that could be helpful is just broadening your social circle a bit: the more people we know, the higher the chance that we'll find someone(s) with whom there's a mutual attraction/interest in dating.

I'll definitely try that. I've been working on my social anxiety recently, so it shouldn't be TOO hard. It IS a bit frustrating that my options are limited to guys, though, considering the environment. >:(

Well, it might not be limited that way, exactly -- after all, queer people really are everywhere, it's not like there's only one of us in any one conservative place -- but it might feel more limited if you're somewhere that isn't inclusive, to be sure. And obviously in environments like that, dating very openly often is not something that's an option or a super-duper safe option.

Unfortunately. I know there is an LGBTQ+ "discussion group" around here somewhere... (We aren't allowed to have an official club on campus, because we might "infect the populace" or whatever.)

Oh, ugh. Sorry to hear that. It might be worth trying to find the discussion group though, if only to connect with people you can feel a bit more comfortable around per your orientation.

Yeah, I'll probably do that soon. I was wondering: would it be worth it to try to fight that? Is there any kind of legal (and I don't mean that in a formal way, obviously) argument for them letting us have a real club? I feel like there might be some kind of discrimination argument there... it IS a private university, though, so I'm not sure.

I'm not familiar with how anti-discrimination laws and policies relate to private universities, so I can't speak to how much of a fight you might have on your hands with that. From a big-picture perspective, it's probably worth at least looking into it, but it kind of boils down to what you feel comfortable doing and how much you think you can take on, you know? Challenging the university on an issue like discrimination can be really rewarding but it can be so frustrating, too.

One biggie that answers some of this questions is this: do you know if they get any Title X funding?

If not, can you find out? Because that, all by itself, strings together a bunch of anti-harassment and anti-discrimination policies, and if a school takes those funds, they are beholden to the conditions of those funds. Most colleges in the states, both public and private do, so it can be one good starting place when it comes to looking for these answers.

Thanks so much! I'll definitely look into that, even if I decide not to fight them on it. I'll probably at least write a few angry letters, though.