Scarleteen

Hi, I am 17 years old and will be turning 18 in January. I am interested in the BDSM community, and I am definitely a submissive brat. I want to know what I can do now to get involved in the BDSM community. I have researched what I can about it and think it is very interesting and something I would like. The issue is that my parents would never approve of it. They love me but have raised me in a very sheltered community where most adult websites are blocked on any devices, and they check in with me regularly. I am a people pleaser and a bad liar, so I don't know what to do. They do not even know I have been in unicorn situations and friends-with-benefits situations. I would just really like some advice. Also, I am a little worried about my addiction to pain. I really enjoy it, along with feeling stable and that someone else has the rope, if that makes any sense. Also trust and communication is very important to me which is one of the reasons I am interested in BDSM and finding a dom. I know that is a lot of different topics but I hope i can get some advice.

Hi there, BeanT--welcome to the boards!

No worries about asking about a couple different topics. We can address them one-by-one:

1. I wonder, what would it mean for you to get involved in the BDSM community? If you are interested in joining groups focused on BDSM or going to in-person gatherings, you'll probably have to wait a little longer until you are 18. But engaging in BDSM with your peers is a way of being involved with the the BDSM community. Does that sound doable/like what you are looking for?

2. It sounds like your parents view of you is out-of-sync with your interests and experiences, and as though you are feeling some dissonance when you go against their expectations. I understand how it might be difficult to lie to them, but it is okay for you to engage in BDSM and you are allowed to keep information about your sex life to yourself. You are not withholding something your parents should know as much as you are holding reasonable limits around your own privacy. Do you feel like you owe your parents honesty about your sexual preferences? Has it gotten hard to lie during these check-ins?

3.

Also, I am a little worried about my addiction to pain. I really enjoy it, along with feeling stable and that someone else has the rope, if that makes any sense...

That does make sense. If I may ask, why do you think of this as an addiction? Beyond enjoying it, is your interest getting in the way of the other things you want to do, or are do you think you are going about it in a way that seems unsafe?

We can help you determine what safety would be in these activities if you'd like some perspective on that.