Scarleteen

When people talk about afab orgasms everyone is talking about sparks through the spine and the whatever and blabla and release. I've legit never gotten that, neither with masturbation or with partnered sex. I either feel not sensitive enough, sometimes completely numb and other times i feel good but it's just...never ending? Like nothing is gonna change and there won't ever be a climax. I do question myself because there have been times where i've masturbated and it felt good and i felt just a bit euphoric afterwards but there weren't any SPARKS and definitely no feeling of release, physical OR mental. Mostly just a "okay that felt good but i'm bored now time to do something else". Then there are the times when i masturbate with the showerhead water pressure and it's obviously more intense than fingers but still, the end of it is something like "okay so now im feeling way more intense and i cant do this any longer" which SOUNDS like a climax but its just not that good and it definitely doesn't feel like release, instead it feels like MORE pressure adding up and up in the overstim mountain. I'm not gonna talk about partnered sex because i already know the reasons i didnt cum then, lack of foreplay and being dry and blabla i already know.

So the question is, what even IS an orgasm, is the sparks and release and relaxation thing true and i haven't had and orgasm? Or have i had orgasms and they just don't feel good for me? If it's the second option give it to me straight my life won't be ruined i'm mostly a top anyway but uhhh it would still be sad? I am perfectly fine with sexual contact not resulting in orgasm if the duration still feels good but it just kinda feels like a bummer that i either never had one, or i have had orgasms and for some reason i don't enjoy them. So yeah please help.

{Also for the record i am neurodivergent and i do struggle with overstimulation and sensory issues. Could my autism be getting in the way of me being able to cum? I don't wanna live my whole life without experiencing a proper O that's just sad (for me yeah i know orgasms aren't mandatory and all but im jealous of people who get them)}

Hey repressedmouse,

It seems like you're having a hard time with the idea of orgasm and what it even IS at the end of the day!! This is totally understandable as orgasm is a very stigmatized topic in many cultures, leading to a lack of openness and direct communication about it most of the time. It can be super confusing to then figure out how your own body fits into all of this!

The experiences you have shared here are not uncommon, and it seems like what you have described is not orgasm, so please don't think that you must resign yourself to not being able to experience actual pleasure from sex or masturbation. Things like this take time, patience, and trust. I'm sure if you took a browse around the boards you would also find many more admissions of these feeling by users as well. The build-up without release is a normal (yet still totally frustrating) experience, but what can be the hardest part of this feeling for many is the loneliness, disappointment, or frustration. These are perfectly understandable feelings to have, among others which of course are valid too. It's my hope you might see yourself in some other similar experiences of users here if you did feel like browsing.

Pressure and stress are also very big factors to include in any navigating these feelings. The stress that comes with not orgasming every time, or any of the time, sometimes exacerbates the original insecurity, making it even harder to relax. Especially when the "goal" is on having an orgasm, to not have one can feel like a failure, even though it of course is not. Instead of making the goal to orgasm, I think it Amy be better to focus on achieving feelings of relaxation, trust, and vulnerability. Does that make sense?

You're right that people talk about orgasm---especially afab orgasm---like a vague, magical kind of experience, usually lacking serious clarity. This is largely because research into the bodily function has been stunted for a long time because of this same stigma. For as in-depth of an account of orgasm as we have here, please see this article of ours. Hopefully it can bring you some insight into the bodily process of sexual desire. If you have any questions about what's in the article don't hesitate to ask them here

How does all of this feel to you?

Thanks Anya, truly i thank you for the reassurance and yes, i did read the article shortly after writing the original post. The truth is everything you said about making orgasm the GOAL instead of actually just giving myself trust and love is super accurate to me since i used to view masturbation as just a CHALLENGE to prove to myself that i am not broken, just causing extra stress to myself

I actually wanted to update my original post by saying that after reading a bunch of stuff from the site i decided to masturbate a few hours later and i think i did orgasm for once?? Did the whole "there isn't a goal to this it's just fun" mentality and without making it my goal i ended up actually climaxing wow

Didn't feel like fireworks and fairydust and unicorns and elves, didn't look or sound like porn but despite not being some INSANITY it did actually feel like something was let go and released for once

So yeah, i thank this site and it's articles, i thank other users that share their experiences and i thank you for the reassurance that there's not something wrong with me

So basically in a few words orgasms may or may not always feel crazy but are valid if they end up feeling good and and Tension-relieving is what i get from all of this

hey repressedmouse,
I'm really glad that Anya and our and articles were of help to you. And you aren't alone in creating a dynamic where masturbation is some sort of self-test or challenge-- I do see this with many folks who come here with similar concerns.
It sounds like reducing some of the pressure and anxiety created a more pleasurable experience. And not feeling like complete utter absolute magic is totally normal, especially when you are learning what feels good and learning how to relax into a new experience. You're absolutely right that it's valid and I'm really glad you are feeling like it is tension relieving and feeling good! That's a great outcome!