Scarleteen

Hello. This might be a really stupid question. This might not even be a question at all, just a way to vent. And if I’m out of line, please tell me.

At what point are you supposed to ask a professional about sex and gender stuff? For me specifically, when are you supposed to ask a professional about a fear of sex and sexuality?

And who are you even supposed to ask for help? A sexual health doctor? A psychological/mental health doctor?

This is (sex) a really embarrassing topic for me. It takes working up courage even to ask on an anonymous forum like this one. But I don’t think my fear of sex and my own feelings about it are healthy. But I don’t know how to make the fear go away, either.

I mean, even thinking about myself having sex, even with a person I would like, makes my hands shake and my heart beat fast and my mind race. That’s not normal, is it? Thinking about yourself having sex shouldn’t make your body shake all over, should it? This topic shouldn’t make you worry about violence or dehumanization or people being disgusted with your body because of things you can’t control.

But if I need professional help, which professional would even be able to help?

Hi LopezMonty,

I know talking about these topics can be hard or uncomfortable, but I am glad that you have found comfort here in asking questions. Unfortunately I can not give you a simple answer to these questions.

What I will say is that there are mental health professionals who are able to help you work through the anxieties you are describing, whether related to sex or other things in your life. Do you find that you feel similar levels of anxiety to sex/sexuality as you do with other parts of your life?

Most often people feel so much shame around sex because of the social conditioning around sex and sexuality that we experience. Do you think any sex-negative ideas are impacting the worries you've described?