Scarleteen

hi
basically, i have a kink/fetish for a few taboo topics (scat, piss, and worse). i’ve had it since i was little, since i had unlimited access to things like youtube by the time i was about 6 and i was exposed to it. i hate it. it makes me feel horrible, and it’s not even something i’d want to do in real life. i don’t even really agree with it morally. i want to stop, and i did for a good few years, but it came back about a year or two ago. can i somehow stop liking it? i don’t want to embrace it sense i don’t really agree with a lot of it. please help. i feel like a horrible person for even trying it.

Hey miku beammmm, welcome to the boards! As someone who used to listen to a bunch of a Vocaloid songs in my adolescence (and still do, really), your username brings me back a lot of memories, hehe.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been distressed because of your fantasies. I can see how challenging it is to navigate having the fantasies you mentioned when you've been taught that they're inappropriate. I'd just like to let you know that we (and many other sexuality educators out there) wouldn't use the words "kink" or "fetish" to describe these particular fantasies, because what counts as a "kink"/"fetish" and what counts as something "vanilla" can look super different depending on the person. And coming back to these fantasies, I don't think it's exactly possible to stop having these thoughts on its own. These fantasies are just that--fantasies--and just thinking of them do not make you a bad person. If you think this isn't something you'd like to do with a partner in the future (especially if you're interested in having partnered sex; some ace folks have sex even if they don't feel/only feel a little sexual attraction, right?), that's fine too. Do you think you can point out why these fantasies bother you? Our newest piece on sexual fantasies--since you're not the first person to ask this on our website--might be of great help to you: Your Sexual Fantasies Reflect the Diversity of Human Sexuality, Not a Moral Failing

Also, would you say these thoughts bother you to the point of making you unable to focus on loved ones (like friends and family) and school? If that's the case, it might be helpful to seek professional mental health support, particularly one that focuses on inclusive sexuality. Would that be doable for you?

You mentioned having unlimited access to YouTube since you were six; is this still the case now? Aside from focusing on why you might have these fantasies instead of how to stop having them, I wonder if you've noticed any specific habits that might make these worries appear more often. While controlling our thoughts is relatively tricky, we can be in charge of our actions/behaviors.