Scarleteen

hi
basically, i have a kink/fetish for a few taboo topics (scat, piss, and worse). i’ve had it since i was little, since i had unlimited access to things like youtube by the time i was about 6 and i was exposed to it. i hate it. it makes me feel horrible, and it’s not even something i’d want to do in real life. i don’t even really agree with it morally. i want to stop, and i did for a good few years, but it came back about a year or two ago. can i somehow stop liking it? i don’t want to embrace it sense i don’t really agree with a lot of it. please help. i feel like a horrible person for even trying it.

Hey miku beammmm, welcome to the boards! As someone who used to listen to a bunch of Vocaloid songs in my adolescence (and still do, really), your username brings me back a lot of memories, hehe.

I'm sorry to hear that you've been distressed because of your fantasies. I can see how challenging it is to navigate having the fantasies you mentioned when you've been taught that they're inappropriate. I'd just like to let you know that we (and many other sexuality educators out there) wouldn't use the words "kink" or "fetish" to describe these particular fantasies, because what counts as a "kink"/"fetish" and what counts as something "vanilla" can look super different depending on the person. And coming back to these fantasies, I don't think it's exactly possible to stop having these thoughts on its own. These fantasies are just that--fantasies--and just thinking of them do not make you a bad person. If you think this isn't something you'd like to do with a partner in the future (especially if you're interested in having partnered sex; some ace folks have sex even if they don't feel/only feel a little sexual attraction, right?), that's fine too. Do you think you can point out why these fantasies bother you? Our newest piece on sexual fantasies--since you're not the first person to ask this on our website--might be of great help to you: Your Sexual Fantasies Reflect the Diversity of Human Sexuality, Not a Moral Failing

Also, would you say these thoughts bother you to the point of making you unable to focus on loved ones (like friends and family) and school? If that's the case, it might be helpful to seek professional mental health support, particularly one that focuses on inclusive sexuality. Would that be doable for you?

You mentioned having unlimited access to YouTube since you were six; is this still the case now? Aside from focusing on why you might have these fantasies instead of how to stop having them, I wonder if you've noticed any specific habits that might make these worries appear more often. While controlling our thoughts is relatively tricky, we can be in charge of our actions/behaviors.

hey, thanks for replying (also, happy to see another vocaloid fan ). also, i’ve talked about it to a therapist, and im getting much better about it. as for the youtube thing, yes. i haven’t notice any habits, not to my knowledge at least. the main reason i don’t like it is because I find it strange, and sometimes downright illegal based on the things. again, thanks for the reply:3

Hi miku beammmm !

I agree with char and the fact that these fantasies are not things people need to change/prevent. What I will say is you are still very young and likely at an early stage of your sexuality. The things you like to fantasize about or enjoy doing can often change as you do.

If you are watching porn or content which is making you uncomfortable, there may be ways to help us not engage with that content. So now I'm wondering, are you trying to stop a certain behavior or work through shame around specific fantasies?