Scarleteen

Basically i came out as lesbian when i was 12, im not lesbian but my family jokes time to time about me being lesbian and like oh we dont have to worry about pregnancy because your lesbian and even when my sister has introduced me to her male friends shes like “shes lesbian” just to ward them off from me, one time when we were at a concert and she was drunk i told her about a guy i liked and she said its okay to be bisexual/for sexuality to change and we will support you but she mustve forgotten about it being intoxicated, because the lesbian stuff still continues afterwards, me repressing liking guys has kind of made it like alot bigger and i cant ignore it but idk how to tell them.

I remember when i came out my dad said i wasnt lesbian, hes not against lgbt but i guess maybe he had some intuition somehow that i wasnt, because im not. I realised that i liked girls before guys but didnt realise alot of the things i felt or way i acted around some guys was a crush.

How should i break it to them, i feel like its a bit hard because for almost 5 years now this whole lesbian identity has been a thing and its also like harder because people assume your straight until proven otherwise so coming out as lesbian but then not being one is kind of a big deal,

a part of why i thought it was lesbian is because i feel embarassed when my family would talk about me being with guys and even if i didnt say i was id still feel extremely uncomfortable with bringing a guy home, but its mostly because whenever ive had friends that were guys growing up theyd assume we had crushes on eachother and its stupid like i said people assume straight otherwise and a girl and a guy cant be friends so i kind of thought i was lesbian because of the uncomfortableness around that and also cos i didnt want to be assumed every guy i was friends with was a boyfriend.

Hi there, Coolbeans123123--welcome to the boards!

I fully understand how it would feel awkward to have to try to correct this misconception that your family has. Would it help to remember that you are allowed to change the way you identify, and that you would really be doing them a favor by telling them how you feel?

You are not obligated to pick an identity word and stick to it forever, or live your life according to other people's expectations about your sexuality. It is normal to reevaluate the language you use to describe yourself as you learn more about what you want, and saying that you are interested in guys would not erase your attraction to girls.

Also, you know more about your sexuality than your family does--you would be helping them out by telling them what they don't know. (The way I think of it, the honesty of someone I care about is a gift--the only way I can understand them as a person is if they share with me). The fact that you are bisexual isn't some terrible news that you have to break to your family. It could just be an update: 'Hey, it turns out that I like guys and girls. Just wanted to let you know.'

If your sister said she would support you while she was drunk, I think it is likely that she will support you in general. People do forget the things that happen while they are intoxicated--would you feel comfortable bringing this up to her again? Starting with one person might make it easier to tell the other people in your family, since you'll have more support.

whenever ive had friends that were guys growing up theyd assume we had crushes on eachother

It sounds like your family is used to teasing you about your relationships. I understand they probably have good intentions, but that can coexist with the fact that they were putting you in a difficult position when they acted like you must have had a crush on your guy friends. Have you ever communicated to them that you were uncomfortable when they made comments like that? Do you think they would listen to you and respect your attraction to girls and boys if you told them about being bisexual now?