Scarleteen

The dudes in my class are misogynistic and I would often over hear a small group of them calling a random girl's photo ugly or objectifying them and sometimes its the opposite and they treat you differently based on whether or not they find u attractive and this is changing how I see men at least the ones my age on top of all the misogyny I see on social media I know its obviously not all of them but im confused, how do you think I should go about this? Thanks

Hi there, Icecreamqueen

I've been in situations like this before, and I have to say that it is confusing to be confronted with such blatant disrespect. I'm sorry you've had to deal with hearing comments like that from the boys in your class.

Their behavior sounds like harassment, and it is impacting your comfort in a space where you should be safe. Do you have teachers or counselors that you trust at school? Do you think you could tell them about how these boys have been acting?

You've asked about whether it is wrong to be scared of men--that is a complicated question, but one that we can consider together.

First, I'd say it is very reasonable to want to avoid the boys you've mentioned, since they've given you good reasons to be wary. Many people who have had negative experiences like yours learn to be careful around men--they may wait for a guy to show in some way that he is respectful/safe to be around before they trust him.

If we are thinking about whether it is right or wrong to be scared of men in general, it might help to reframe the question into a couple more specific ones:

• What does it mean to be afraid of men--how does that change the way you interact with them?

• Are those ways of interacting with men useful? Are they proportionate in responding to real concerns? And do they give you an accurate picture of what the men or boys you meet are like?

Do you have thoughts about any of those questions?

To me its like im afraid of interacting with someone who does those things I said above and I just assume they will to some degree especially the ones who are at my school i try to interact with everyone the same way but if they are like that then I will intentionally avoid them and ignore them in group projects cause I dont wanna make eye contact with them

I do have a teacher who stands up to them whenever she hears weird stuff but from what ive seen they will still act that way regardless

Ive been at the same school since gr7 and the dudes ive met or seen in my classes are either the way i was describing, these people are very loud about their weird behavior so its very noticeable or there is the ones who are normal and dont bother anyone which honestly is a breath of fresh air

Hi!

Gosh, I hear you. It can be really hard to see and experience misogyny and resulting harassment from boys and men. It’s also really easy to see those behaviors, generalize that to men as a group, and treat them differently as a whole/avoid them. I agree with Latha, when you see those behaviors I would definitely not hang out with or associate with those guys at all.

I like that you noticed there are boys who don’t do that, and who aren’t bothering people. Those are the guys I wouldn’t avoid — you don’t have to be besties with them, but it’s nice to see respectful boys and remind yourself that they’re out there. Know what I mean?

I’m glad to hear that teacher calls it out, too, though I’m sorry to hear they don’t change their behavior. That’s not okay. Have you talked to your teacher about this before, or would you like to?

Yes and so have other people from what ive seen but those kids will start doing that again after some time passes

Another thing is I come across these posts on social media about crime most usually the perpetrator is a man and it sure does leave a bad taste in my mouth I really dont wanna generalize and box people but I cant help but feel nervous when im alone walking past a guy especially if hes way older than me

I wanted to know how to recognize signs of creepy weird behavior early on cause u can never be too sure