Possibly non-binary?
Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2015 8:36 pm
Hi!
So this question is a bit more difficult than my last few...
I've had mild dysphoria for a long time - at least, as long as I can remember. I absolutely hated having to switch over from baseball to softball when I was eight or nine, and I've always been seriously bothered when people (even people I love) have called me a "young lady", and not just because of the connotations that "young ladies" have to be proper (and sit with their knees together, and never burp... I'm unreasonably proud of my belches).
I've ignored it for a long time, much in the same way I denied my bisexuality (even though I had an undeniable crush on a girl. It was embarrassing.) I've felt very masculine (for a female) for a long time, and it's only in the past few years that I've started to wear heels and actually enjoy wearing dresses. I know I'm not fully male, though. Recently, the most dysphoric feelings have been coming from this weird urge I have to act in ways that are stereotypically "gentlemanly" - such as holding doors for people (even though I get unreasonably annoyed when people do that for me), or buying flowers for a prospective SO.
I understand that a lot of this new stuff could simply be me finally really breaking through my ingrained concepts of gender norms, but I'm not really sure that's the case. I don't really get how much of this is simply me wanting to act in ways that are traditionally masculine, though, and how much of it is me actually identifying somewhere closer to male along the gender spectrum. I ask this keeping in mind the fact that although I hold no disrespect or dislike for women, I've always bristled at being shoved into a category with them (us?). Is this legitimate dysphoria, or would it be more reasonable for me to chalk all this up to overly restrictive gender norms and move on with my life?
So this question is a bit more difficult than my last few...
I've had mild dysphoria for a long time - at least, as long as I can remember. I absolutely hated having to switch over from baseball to softball when I was eight or nine, and I've always been seriously bothered when people (even people I love) have called me a "young lady", and not just because of the connotations that "young ladies" have to be proper (and sit with their knees together, and never burp... I'm unreasonably proud of my belches).
I've ignored it for a long time, much in the same way I denied my bisexuality (even though I had an undeniable crush on a girl. It was embarrassing.) I've felt very masculine (for a female) for a long time, and it's only in the past few years that I've started to wear heels and actually enjoy wearing dresses. I know I'm not fully male, though. Recently, the most dysphoric feelings have been coming from this weird urge I have to act in ways that are stereotypically "gentlemanly" - such as holding doors for people (even though I get unreasonably annoyed when people do that for me), or buying flowers for a prospective SO.
I understand that a lot of this new stuff could simply be me finally really breaking through my ingrained concepts of gender norms, but I'm not really sure that's the case. I don't really get how much of this is simply me wanting to act in ways that are traditionally masculine, though, and how much of it is me actually identifying somewhere closer to male along the gender spectrum. I ask this keeping in mind the fact that although I hold no disrespect or dislike for women, I've always bristled at being shoved into a category with them (us?). Is this legitimate dysphoria, or would it be more reasonable for me to chalk all this up to overly restrictive gender norms and move on with my life?