My past manipulative relationship was it near SA or rape

[lol34@ciderloon]

This relationship had way too much non consent affections and touches
I have been out of the abusive relationship and over it without using therapy at all. But this one in particular since my ex used to be very affectionate to me only in isolation and barely in society too. Since these two affection memories are just out the most, when my ex and I are together he used to put his arm around my shoulders most of the time. This specific day when he had his arm around my shoulders, he non stop asked me “Do you drink alcohol?” and I have to repeatedly say no. Since my ex was trying to get a no into a yes out of me. Do you think I was very close to being SA or rape that day, if I changed my answer to yes just to bend my own rules for my ex? That time too I did not carry any condoms or sex protection at all.
Another when I was at my ex home that specific day I went to drop off food for him, then the scene plays out like this we both sitting on his couch when he immediately reached out to me to put my right hair behind my ear also without consent at all, in that millisecond my body quickly reacted as I did shake my head and put my hair to where it belongs. That movie style hair move especially his action, since I could read and remember that his intention was to try to kiss me on the lips, as the silence of the day was loud that led me trying to decode him since I set a boundary.
I have another memory since my ex was trying to test me to see how much I will put my guard down for him, until he asked the typical “Are you scared of me?” question after he tickled me non counseually on my chest and stomach area or it could be part of my arm (It was so confusing and happened so quickly). My rapid reply was “No” Throughout the relationship, in society and in isolation he would lock his arm around my shoulders when he did not even ask for consents most of the time. This will be a more detailed day that I remember I was filming a project at my ex home since he agreed to be in it. After I put my phone down, not even 2 seconds later my ex came in and locked his arm around me. I was just forced on the spot to comply with him.
When I was alone with him, he always put his whole upper body weight on me, laying his head on my shoulder when I was not even ready for it. Also about the bus bench too where he forced me to switch over to his spot, since he did not like the distance that I was creating between us.
On top of that a few of my close friends and family members are downplaying my trauma as drama.

[Heather]

Hi again, lol34@ciderloon .

I'm not quite sure why you're asking about this the way you are, but the way you're asking is something no one can answer for sure, especially given what is and isn't in this post. Basically, I feel like what you're asking would require us knowing what was going on inside the head of your ex, something we can't know. But based on what we do know, no, none of this looks like attempts to sexually assault a person tend to look.

I don't see anything you're reporting here that suggests this person was attempting to sexually assault you, not on the day you mentioned nor in any other of the circumstances you've mentioned. Asking someone if they drink isn't an abuse or an assault attempt, it's just a question. I can't say why he kept asking it all day, but it still is only a question.

Doing things like tucking your hair behind your ear and tickling you are also not things that are sexual assault or any part of it. Same goes with laying his head on your shoulder or asking if you are scared of him.

What I hear in all of this is that you wanted this ex to ask you for consent more with casual touching -- which you get to have wanted and absolutely could have asked for, so you know for the future -- and that you often felt uncomfortable with all of the physical contact from this person, and maybe uncomfortable with this person, full-stop. Feeling uncomfortable like you did is something a person can feel, for sure, and there doesn't have to be anything sexual, or any attempts at assault, for a person to feel uncomfortable like you did. I think you're pretty clear this wasn't a relationship you liked being in, with a person you just didn't feel comfortable with or want to be close to.

I can't speak for your friends and family, but I can speak as someone who lived through several sexual assaults in my lifetime and can say that if that's also the case for any of those people, some of their reactions may be because describing what you have here as possible assault has them feeling some kind of way as people who actually experienced sexual abuse or assault. If that's not it, then again, we just can't know what's going on in people's heads -- if you want to know, you'll need to ask them.

I do want to make sure you know, though, that in the future, if you feel this uncomfortable with someone, that's usually a pretty good cue that you probably shouldn't be in an intimate relationship with them. I also want to make sure you know that in the future, you always get to tell someone who is touching you without your consent -- be they a boyfriend, a hairdresser, some kid on the bus -- that that isn't okay and they need to ask your permission first. It can be particularly confusing for some people if and when we don't tell them when we feel uncomfortable or when their touches aren't okay, because some of them just won't know that otherwise, you know?