Parties?

[Collin]

Hi peoples :P
I’m new here and I am wondering how to have sex safely for the first time. I’m going to a couple parties and the one tomorrow is most definitely going to have some sexual aspects. I’m a freshman and I know all the people going very well and am not worried about peer pressure, unsafe circumstances, or anything like that. I’m just worried about little stuff, life should I bring a condom, or should I talk to my parents about it.

I’ve talked my dad about these things in general and he is super chill, probably doing worst stuff when he was in high school. He wants me most of all to be comfortable and safe, but he wants me to have some fun too. He keeps asking me if there was alcohol at any SCHOOL events. He said he is fine with me drinking unless I drive to the party myself. ( I don’t have a license yet)

I am a virgin and haven’t done more than a littler bit of mutual masterbation with my ex. I just want to know if there are any tips y’all have for me that you wish someone told you before going to a big party.

I’m going to be online for a little while reading on stuff, and would love a response.

[mikky]

Hi Collin,
Welcome to the boards! It sounds like you are excited for these parties- I am curious though what you mean by there being sexual aspects to this party?

I think it sounds like your dad is a safe person to tell that you will be at a party- and if you want to discuss further details with him, I think that really depends on your relationship and whether you want to share those with him.

If you think that you might engage in sexual activity at this party, bringing condoms along is an easy and low key way to be prepared for safer sex if that does happen- but I think understanding your expectations and how to manage those if the party isn't quite what you think, is also important. How would you feel if these parties come and go and you don't have a new sexual experience at one of them?

Now I have a bunch of questions for you to consider (and answer if you feel like it):

Have you thought about your general sexual readiness much? (We have a checklist for this: Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist). It seems like there isn't a specific person you are already communicating with about having partnered sex- how do you think you'd communicate about that if you are at a party? Have you thought about how others and yourself might be drinking, and if that would change your comfort or ability to communicate? What are your thoughts around privacy? Partnered sex can be awkward, do you feel you'd want to navigate that with someone you know well?

[Collin]

Thanks for the quick response!
Yes, and I feel I am mature enough to make reasonable decisions for myself. I checked out the checklist and nothing was a hard no.

I am kinda embarrassed, but I enjoy being single. When people flirt with me I play along but don’t do much more. I’m not ready to be in a relationship with anyone except my close friend, who is not doing too well.

I’m ok with alcohol. When the sophomores where on a retreat and the upperclassmen have the mass before us, me and my buddy Nate were asked to finish the host and wine, since you can’t throw it away. So I show up to my first big physics test absolutely hammered and I got like a 92% and was completely fine after a half hour nap at lunch.

The party is at a huge property on the lake and their parents and they have like three house right next to each other, so I’m fairly sure that there will be a room for privacy.

I understand and if my partner is at all hesitant then I’m not going to press them about it.

I don’t care if there is sex or not, because tomorrow night is going to be a hell of time no matter what!

I probably skipped a question so mb if you need to repeat.

[char]

Hi Collins! Glad that mikky's response was useful. What I'd add to their message is that casual sex may be a one-time thing, but it's always good to remember that it involves another person/other people's thoughts and feelings--so respecting them is a must. Additionally, for a lot of people, having sex under the influence of alcohol can be a hard limit, so it's good to keep an eye on how much you and the other person/people are drinking.

As for flirting or communicating with someone for sex, you might find these articles useful (if you haven't checked them out):
- Be a Blabbermouth! The Whys, Whats and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner
- Driver's Ed for the Sexual Superhighway: Navigating Consent

Nothing wrong with enjoying being single, I think--it's good to feel secure on your own!