The confusing clitoris

[naya92]

Hello so I've been having issues with experiencing pleasure or any type of sensation during PV sex not trying to get an orgasm just want to feel pleasure so my question is if we have an internal clitoris then why do so many women have this issue why doesn't the internal clitoris work like the external one

[Heather]

The clitoris is one organ, not two, with both internal and external portions. And the internal and external portions do not "work" differently. Both are erectile tissue which fills with blood and becomes more sensitive when someone is highly aroused.

However, the density of nerve endings is not the same throughout the whole organ. The vast majority of nerve endings of the clitoris are in the glans, which is mostly external. So, the internal portions do not tend to be as sensitive - and also are not as easy to access and stimulate - as that glans which is external. When people feel a lot of sensation through the whole of the clitoris, including the internal portions, it tends to be because a) they are very aroused, and b) because there has already been or currently is plenty of stimulation to that external portion, so not just something like vaginal intercourse going on all by itself, but other activities which provide direct stimulation of the glans.

[naya92]

Before intercourse I engage in oral sex for at least 20 or so minutes some ending in an orgasm and then when my partner and I have PV sex I feel nothing so I guess I'm wondering what I do wrong because I make sure my clitoris is stimulated I'm aroused but as soon as intercourse happens I lose that feeling because PV sex doesn't do anything for me as far as pleasure or sensations go and if the clitoris is the root of pleasure then what is the purpose of PV sex I it just for guys since women can't orgasm from it ? And with me I'm not seeking an orgasm I'm just seeking some kind of pleasurable feelings because I'm very interested in sex

[Heather]

You keep trying to engage in an activity you know is not one you enjoy. And that is not likely to be only physiological, so how the clitoris does or does not respond for you with this activity is most likely not the big issue here.

The big issue here, as we have discussed, is most likely that you keep doing something you just are not into or enjoying. People cannot stay aroused or excited, generally, when they are doing something they do not like or feel bored by.

Not everyone likes all the same things, or finds, in general, or from partner to partner, that a given activity does something for them it may do for someone else. For plenty of people, of all genders, not just women, PIV just isn't all that, or something that does it for them, just like for plenty of people anal sex is not something they find they enjoy. But since that is just one way of being sexual with a partner, one way of many, there truly is no need to get all hung up if you do not like it, just like there would not be with any other sexual activity. And trying to force it and make it be something you like is more likely to make you like it less than more.

Some women do reach orgasm with intercourse (and as I think we have already discussed, it should not be assumed those people are only doing that activity at the time, rather than pairing it with others at the same time). Others do not. And the same is true for men. But because some people enjoy or reach orgasm from something, or don't, doesn't tell you anything about what works for you. You need to be paying attention to yourself here, and what you have found out is or isn't your thing, and focus on what you do find pleasurable, rather than what you don't. That is how we create a sexual life we really enjoy and find sayisfying.

[naya92]

I don't want to take sex off the table because it is something I want and fantasize about also I want sex for my boyfriend and it's not that I dnt like it the fullness is nice and feeling close to him is as well I just want to know what it is that women are moaning and carrying on about i dnt want to give up on PV sex I had the same issue for two years with oral sex it wasn't pleasurable and didn't get me aroused but with my current bf it feels amazing so I just want to keep trying at PVsex I just want to know if I'm doing anything wrong or need to do differently. Also when we have sex it's not just isolated intercourse he frequently goes down on me because he knows I need the stimulation.

[Heather]

intercourse is ONE kind of sex, not all kinds. Taking it off the table is not taking sex off the table. It is not having one kind of sex you do not enjoy. Chances are good there are kinds of sex your boyfriend also does not want to do or explore himself, too.

You already know what I have suggested here, but by all means, if that is not advice you want to follow and you want to keep going about this the way you have been, you get to do that. But as an educator who is very well-versed in what tends to help people with situations like this, I just can't responsibly advise you to continue trying to do something you do not enjoy.