Not happy with my breasts :/

[annie26]

Hi, I just want to finally speak out what I've been struggling with for several years and had nobody to talk with about this.

I am just not happy with my breasts. I am a 30B, and have been so for the past many years. Girls in my class grew out while I remained the same. I don't remember having to shop for bigger bras since I grew out of my old ones, more than once. Initially I was quite ok with my size during my teenage years, being under the impression that mine was an average size. But as I went to university I realized that that wasn't the case. I often find myself struggling with my body image, struggling to accept myself as I am, knowing well that I would never do something as go under the knife. But I often find myself wishing that my boobs were bigger.

I have seen girls with boobs smaller than mine who are quite cool and comfortable about it, and don't give a damn about it. I wish I could be like that. I really want to accept my body as it is. Can someone please help me?

Or if anyone has had similar thoughts about their bodies, could they share them, maybe, and let me know how they dealt with it?

[Heather]

Something we know from data around cosmetic surgery is that changing a body part rarely improves body image. What more often happens is that either even that change isn't something a patient finds gives them what they thought it would, or they just find other parts they decide are the problem.

Body image issues are improved by psychological/attitudinal changes rather than body changes the vast majority of the time. So, can I ask what you've tried so far to improve your body image and to work on accepting your body as-is?

[annie26]

I can definitely assure you that I have no wish of undergoing cosmetic surgery ever. To accept my body, I firstly concentrate on staying healthy and fit by working out because that makes me feel good about my body, albeit in a different way. I also feel better about my boobs when I wear nicer, prettier bras, so that helps to an extent. I also keep myself busy with work and constructive things to prevent myself from getting negative thoughts.

But sometimes I feel that this is not enough, and only helps me temporarily. Which is why I have made this post, maybe you or anyone else can suggest me to try out something which will help?

[Heather]

Improving body image really tends to be about accepting our bodies and increasing our experiences of using them for what they do, rather than how they look. It also usually involves working though our feelings about them, and seeing if we can't get to the bottom of what is making us feel negatively.

For example, the primary function of breasts is breastfeeding, and size is a non-issue when it comes to that. Since you're not reporting issues there, why is it that you think you are so focused on the size of your breasts? When you look at your idea that you'd be happier if they were larger, why do you think that is? Where do you think that is coming from?

Too, how else are you using your body as a vehicle for living your life, rather than as something for others to look at?

[annie26]

You're right; I'm being just too superficial here, by concentration on my physical appearance than on what my body can actually do. I think all these thoughts are coming from the fact that visually I look thin because my waist is tiny and my upper body just doesn't put on weight.Many people, especially those who see me after long, comment how thin I look even when I eat a lot, eat healthy and exercise. I know for a fact that if I had larger boobs, I would look like I have the right built.

But yes, now that I'm questioning myself based on what you asked, I know I should concentrate more on all the things my body is capable of doing than how it looks!

[Heather]

Also, you just said something about the "right" build. The thing is, there is no such thing. Human bodies are so, so incredibly diverse, and it isn't like some of them are "built" right, and others wrong. We simply are all the size and shape that we are.

There is a lot of talk in mainstream beauty and body stuff that talks about being "in proportion," where I think a lot of people get these kinds of ideas. But again, what does that even mean? An idea like that is built on things like beauty ideals - which are rarely about anything but a minority of people, but which also change all the time, mostly based on fads and fashion.

As my friend and fellow activist Hanne Blank often says, there is no right body, and no right way to have a body. There are just the wide range of bodies we all have, and all of them are right, because all of them are as they are, based on our diverse genetics more than anything else.

It sounds like one thing you might be able to do here is to ask people to talk less about your body and looks to you. Clearly, that kind of commentary can trigger negative body feelings for you. It is okay to ask people to dial that stuff down, for any reason, including just because there is a lot more about you that is a lot more interesting and meaningful than looks to talk about!

[annie26]

Yes, it makes sense to tell people this. Thank you, Heather, this made me feel so much better!

[Heather]

Happy to help.

One last thing? Bodies change so much more than anyone really talks about or tends to expect throughout life, and I'm not just talking about looking "older" or "younger." Breasts, particularly, will tend to change shape and size over time: some people's breasts even change as much as a cup size just during one menstrual cycle!

Chances are awfully good that through your life -- especially if you ever become and stay pregnant, but even if you don't -- you are going to experience your breasts being different than they are now: fuller or less full, bigger or smaller, with even shape or nipple changes sometimes. So, if you want to find out how you feel when they look different in various ways, you're very likely to get that chance. You just aren't very likely to find that any of those changes, even if they seem like what you want, will magically fix poor body image. Like I said, that tends to be about emotional work and adjusting our attitudes and views of our own bodies and bodies in general rather than because of even desired body changes.

[annie26]

True that. It's obviously more than a day's work, trying to improve my body image. But I just am so glad that I have people like you and other members of scarleteen, with whom I can freely discuss these things without having any inhibitions

[Heather]

Aw, thanks so much! We're glad to be able to be here to do that.