Scarleteen

Hi!
So, I have two entirely separate things going on in my life, and a couple of questions about each of them.

Firstly, I recently lost my virginity to my long-term boyfriend, and he had trouble keeping his erection. This is absolutely okay and I don't mean to judge or pressure him, but he said the condom was cutting off his blood flow. Is this something that happens often, and is there a way to make it less of an issue? Also, I've heard that masturbating in a way that doesn't replicate sex (and this is something I know he does) can make sex less enjoyable for guys. Also, could anyone recommend some positions for beginners, besides missionary. That didn't seem to work all that well. I don't know, I just want to make it so this actually feels good for him, and I don't really know what/if there is a route to take.

Secondly, on an entirely different subject, I have a friend who is gay, and in the closet. He's only told a few people, and one of these people is also gay. Let's call my friend M, and the other person S. M and S used to be best friends, and what's happened is S has developed feelings for M. M doesn't feel the same way, but S has been threatening self-harm if M doesn't give him shirtless pictures and things of that nature. Also, S has threatened to out M if M doesn't do what he asks. M doesn't want to lose S as a friend, but has been feeling really uncomfortable and wants this behavior to stop. He wasn't had any luck talking to S though, and ignoring him is difficult because we all go to the same school. M has been asking me for advice, and I'm running out of things to tell him! Any help would be much appreciated.

Thank you so much for your input on either, or both, of these things.

Hi maya,

For the condom issue, it might be that the size of condom he was using wasn't quite right. Fixing that is just a matter of experimenting with different sizes and brands of condom. As for positions, that's really up to you two to play around with what's possible and comfortable. You can also check out this article:
Left Foot, Red, Right Hand, Green: The Deal on Sex Positions

As for the other situation, is there anyone who is an adult at the school who M trusts? Because S is abusing M (threatening, manipulating, etc), and that's not okay. If S threatens self-harm again to M, reassure M that he doesn't have to do anything that makes him feel uncomfortable or bad. Do these threats usually take place face to face, or through emails or other written stuff?

Hi Maya,

One further thought: if S threatens self-harm again to M (or you)? Treat it as a genuine threat, and respond accordingly (not by giving in to their demands). Tell S something along the lines of "Gosh, I'm really worried you are going to hurt yourself with how you are talking, so I need to call someone to keep you safe." Or, you can just call without telling them first, if you feel comfortable with that. But if they're genuinely going to hurt themselves, then calling in the pros is sound. And if they're not serious, it may make them stop using this threat.