Scarleteen

Cultures and communities almost always have a set of ideas about gender that are common within them.

But often enough, we or others will have our own ideas about something that has to do with gender that may be radically different than the ideas of our culture or community, usually based in our own experiences with gender or our own sense of gender. These ideas may seem backwards to some people even though most, if not all, ideas about gender are always individual and arbitrary.

Here's an example from my life: to me, in my experience, long hair is often something I associate with masculinity, and short hair with femininity.

Why? Well, probably because growing up way more men in my life, like my father, had long hair while more women in my life had short hair. In terms of my elective relationships, more of my guy lovers and friends have had long or longer hair; more of my girlfriends or lovers have had short or shorter hair. I think of all the musicians I listed to and looked at growing up and about the flair with which a lot of the guys wore their hair long and wild.

I keep my own hair long, and besides that being about the fact that I have one of the roundest heads on earth, so I look like a Cabbage Patch Kid with short hair (or like someone should take my head bowling), and me simply having the kind of hair that seems to look better (to me) long, for me it's also always felt like part of what I consider my masculine swagger. In other words, it's something about the way I present that gives me a nice little dude-rush, and expresses my masculinity more than my femininity...even though I recognize that for a lot of people, they are probably making the opposite assumption!

What about you? Whether it's about presentation, behavior or ideas, what ideas or experiences with gender do you have or have you had that might seen backwards, or opposite, to how a lot of people around you seem to think?

I second the short-hair-is-feminine approach. If I could, I would shave my head completely bald. However, I know a lot of people would assume I have cancer or some other similar illness, and I'd be afraid my scalp would be a bit flaky, as I have dandruff a lot of the time >.<, not to mention a lot of people have told me that my head shape and facial structure would look awful if I had no hair. Maybe if I was a bit bolder, I would shave my head, but for now I'll keep my hair as-is.

One of the gender stereotypes I hate is that female-presenting folks with extremely short, close-cropped hair must be lesbian. Firstly, they might not identify as female even though they present as female. And anyway, if you're judging based off hair length, what do you think of men who grow their hair very long to donate it for wigs? Seems like a 'feminine' idea to some people (I had a friend in high school who grew his hair out to donate for wigs, and a few substitute teachers said he shouldn't be allowed to have his hair that long because it was feminine.)

Okay, hair-related rant over.

Also, I find that to me, girls wearing jeans and shirts can be more feminine than ones in dresses or skirts. I'm not sure why, just that I read people strangely. Maybe it's because I wear dresses and don't often feel like the most feminine person on the planet...

I've actually worn my hair in a mohawk, and probably will again before I die. Wasn't the best idea I would have to say, being where I was. I was miserable, although, I loved it, not everyone else saw it that way. Personally, I see that haircut great on a lot of people, regardless of who you are. I've seen more children wear it more than ever now, male identifying little ones primarily. Would like to see this more on people.