Scarleteen

I personally identify as bisexual and I am only out to a few friends, the people who matter. I am fine. But I can't bring it up at home because every time I say it my mother objects to me, "Labeling myself so young" since "who knows what I will grow up to be" because she doesn't like labeling and she doesn't want me to come out. Fine, I don't come out to people, I don't feel comfortable doing that anyways. But it upsets me when she so vehemently objects to my identity and I don't feel like she understands since she is heterosexual. What should I do?

Unrelated: why is there a "Twisted Evil" Smilie option? When would you ever use that?

My experience is that parents who want to be supportive but are also kind of uncomfortable with their kid's identity often do this, where they sort of accept it but don't want to think of it as final. I'm sure it's not deliberate nor intended to make the person who came out to them uncomfortable, but that does tend to be the outcome.

Have you talked to your mum about how her reaction is making you feel?

Also, do you remember those monarchs in order?

I agree, that seems to be what it is. And I haven't spoken to her on this, do you have any suggestions for how I should phrase this?

And I remember the monarchs from a song in this British comedy show about history for kids, Horrible Histories. "The Horrible Histories Kings and Queens Song" to be specific. It is a lot of fun and I recommend the song.

And yes, the song helps me remember them in order.

Hi, Sappho!

I had almost this exact same issue trying to explain to my mom why I now identify as non-binary. It's hard to get uninformed people to understand that whether or not we come out, we're stuck with a label, and if we don't come out, it's just automatically going to be cis-het. We're only trying to make the label we have more accurate.

I would phrase it something like this:

Mom, I understand that you might feel uncomfortable with me labeling my sexuality, especially since I'm still a teenager. When I say I'm bisexual, though, I'm not saying that for the rest of my life I will be equally attracted to males and females. I'm saying that, at this specific point in time, I like guys and girls, and when you shut me down every time I try to talk about it, it makes me uncomfortable. You keep talking about how I'm "labeling myself", but if I don't, people are just going to assume I'm heterosexual, which I'm definitely not. I'm not saying that bisexual is a 100% accurate term, but it's closer than hetero, and I'd rather you and other people I care about think of me in a way that's as close to accurate as possible. Like I said, I'm not saying I'll always identify as bi, just that right now, I do, and I would really appreciate your support in that.

Obviously, change whatever you want, or don't use this at all... this is just basically what I said to my mom about being NB. Good luck!

(There's a "twisted evil" smiley option?!?)

Thanks FanndisTS! And I also, I don't think I am asking too much in simply being allowed to reference my orientation privately in my own home with no danger of outside prejudice. I don't feel comfortable talking about it at school which is what she says she is worried about.

[ And yes there is a "Twisted Evil Smiley". Here it is ]

You are absolutely not asking too much! I definitely understand the pressure that comes from not being able to be out -- I go to a Baptist college now, so I'm sure you can guess how THAT is going -- and I don't know how I'd deal if I didn't have a mom who asks not just about any cute guys in my classes but also any cute girls as well. I get her worry -- I've heard horror stories, just like anyone else -- but just because someone talks about something in one environment doesn't mean that they'll necessarily go spouting it in another. Also, keep in mind that a lot of schools nowadays have a GSA or other safe space to talk about sexual identity and sexuality. Even if yours doesn't, remember that you're not alone! There are queer people everywhere, even if you don't know it. I think if you explain to your mom how her reaction makes you feel, she'll probably get better about it. Again, good luck with that!

(Holy cow that's awesome)