I'm in love with my mom's boyfriend!!!! HELP?!?!?

[amour8273]

Oh my god I feel so ashamed... Okay, so my mom is dating a 24 year old guy who is so nice, layed back, handsome, and I love him. So much. My mom is not leaving him anytime soon, that's for sure. I am so in love though. He is the only guy I have ever liked ever! I am a lesbian but he is like an exeption. I just need help figuring out what to do?!?

[Amanda]

Hi amour,

First of all, there is no reason to feel ashamed! Your thoughts and feelings are just that: thoughts and feelings. They are yours and yours alone. As human we all have impulses, fantasies, and thoughts that make us glad that mind-reading is impossible. And most importantly, thoughts and feelings are not actions. This may be the first of many times you have feelings for someone who is "off-limits"--like bosses, teachers/professors, etc. It happens to most people at some point during their lives and requires a lot of emotional work to process and deem the best course of action.

As humans, our cultures and societies place limitations on what kind of behaviors are deemed "acceptable." Transgressing these limitations can sometimes be liberating and worthwhile. However, sometimes transgressing these boundaries can have devastating consequences for our personal, familial and social lives. This seems like one of those instances, which I'm sure you realize, which is why you're looking for help. Because I don't know much about your mom, I can't say one way or the other if an open conversation with her would be a good idea. Being the online resource that Scarleteen is, we can only do so much... I would personally recommend seeking someone to talk to one-on-one in person, ideally a professional counselor who can help you process everything that you're experiencing-- keeping it all inside can be exhausting. Would that be available to you? If you'd like, you can use the Help Near You feature to find a counseling/support service. Also, if you feel like you would benefit from writing about your experiences in more depth and sharing with other members of the Scarleteen community I can add you to the journaling group here on the message boards.

Hope this helps!

[amour8273]

Thank you!

[elephantmilk]

Don't feel bad about. Don't tell him, don't tell your mom. I think overtime this will fade away. Also, I like that the other person suggested counseling. That's definitely a good idea. I don't suggest telling your friends either, they might judge you. But it's incredibly normal to be attracted to him! By talking to someone like a counselor, they'll be able to help you get through your feelings.