Scarleteen

I have had bad experiences anal sex. I've done it once and I hated it. However, since then I've started seeing someone more experienced in it than both me and my old partner. Though he has never approached me about it, or even sex for the matter I want to be prepared. I've gotten hemorrhoids since the last time I tried anal and don't understand how anal sex would work for me. Mine are caused by constipation and pressure, I fear anal sex would cause a flare up. Help please. It isn't urgent, but I like to plan ahead.

Hi Dollface!

My first concern is that you say you hated anal sex when you tried it. You should only try it again only if you really want to. It might just not be your thing, and that's ok. If you decide you'd like to try again, it would be best to wait until your hemorrhoids are healed up for the most part, as anal sex can cause pain and flare-ups. Some tips to keep in mind:
1. Love the lube. Apply it to both the penis/dildo/toy as well as inside the rectum itself--this will help protect the delicate skin and veins. Be sure to get water-based lube, since it's safe for use with condoms.
2. Be very, very comfortable with what you're doing, and the person you're doing it with, because being very relaxed and aroused is key to having a good experience with anal sex.
3. Engage in lots of foreplay! This will of course help with the relaxation/arousal piece mentioned above.
4. Try different positions: you may find that certain positions put less pressure on your hemorrhoids, and some put more pressure.
5. If it hurts, stop. With hemorrhoids, pain is a key indication that they are irritated and flaring up. Don't be afraid to tell your partner if you're in pain or things just aren't working for you.

I would also recommend consulting with a doctor about this, since he/she would be the only one who can physically evaluate you and let you know if anal sex would be safe at a given point in time, given the state of your hemorrhoids. Having hemorrhoids that are bleeding puts you at an increased risk for contracting HIV and other STIs, so condoms are essential, and consulting with a medical professional would be a really good idea in order to discuss your risk.

Hope this helps!

Also, this article might be helpful for when you choose to have these (and other) important conversations with a provider: Dealing With Doctors: Taking Control of Your Health Care Destiny

Thank you so much. I am going to have a conversation with my partner and my doctor.

You're welcome! And good for you, I hope the conversations go well.