College

[Breeze1892]

I'm in my second year of college and I've always wondered how anyone manages to sustain a relationship while studying. I'm in Med School so the workload is huge and it just seems impossible to have time for anyone but myself. Not being selfish but trying to be there for someone and also making good grades is probably the hardest task ever.

For the past 2 years I've seen some of my friends struggle with balancing their relationships while also trying to study.

Question: Is it possible for anyone to get grades in college especially with the workload involved while being in a relationship

[Sam W]

Hi Breeze,

I would definitely say it's possible (I actually did it, although to be fair I was not in Med School, which is notoriously time consuming), but not always easy. Part of it depends on what kind of relationship you're in or looking for. If you want something casual, the dynamics of that may be easier to sustain than something more serious. And it depends big time on the needs of the people in the relationship, as some people are okay with less "couples time" than others are.

One thing that worked for me and my partner was learning to be explicit about time demands and what we needed from each other. Being able to say "I need the next two days to be major project days for me, so we may not see each other. But call me at night so we can talk before bed?" goes a long way to preventing the "why don't you spend time with me" arguments.

Sometimes, you can also use seeing the person your in a relationship with as a study break (and usually a needed one). I, and my partner, both tended to study more than was ultimately necessary. So having the other person go "hey, I've been studying for four hours and need a break, and I bet you do too. Want to go for a walk/get ice cream/ get tea/ etc?" was really nice. Plus, you can always have study dates with a partner. I know that can sound corny, but it does help

[Breeze1892]

Thanks for the advice and I might take your advice on the study dates.

[Heather]

I'd add in that there isn't anything wrong with many ways of being selfish. It's okay to focus on yourself.

It's not like not entering into certain relationships is you being a jerk, after all. No one is entitled to date you, or to any kind of relationship with you. So, if and when in your life it doesn't feel like the right time -- or that there even is time at all -- for romantic or sexual relationships, you get to not be in them.