Regarding Parents and Birth Control

[FlyingElephant]

I am currently a 19-year-old college student. I have been getting periods since I was 12, and they have always been irregular, painful, and very heavy. My cycle length varies from 30 to 40 days, and I menstruate for 7 days at a time. I have to change my tampon every hour during the day. I get awful back pain and cramps. I become so anxious that I overreact to situations that usually do not phase me. I have been dealing with these symptoms for the past 7 years. About a year and a half ago, I also became sexually active with my boyfriend. We are meticulous about using condoms each and every time we have sex. However, I do not always feel secure when we use condoms. Because my cycle varies so much, I become nervous when I am expecting my period, and fluctuations that are normal for me turn into huge problems. It is stressful for me, and it has been damaging to my relationship with my boyfriend. We have tried abstaining from PIV sex in the past, but it had never been a long-term solution and was not sustainable for us. I am not currently on birth control, but I have wanted to get Mirena for the past year. I have researched it extensively, and I have determined that it is the birth control method that best fits my lifestyle. The problem is that I do not know how to handle my parents with this decision. I know that I do not need their permission to get Mirena, but I am on their insurance. About a month ago, I told my mother about how much I suffer on my periods, and she promised to take me to my first visit to the OB-GYN. When I got home for spring break, she told me that she was unable to get me an appointment, and her solution to my problem was Pamprin. I was upset by this; I felt that it was unethical of her to withhold information about birth control from me, and I felt that her withholding this information was deliberate. She is completely against premarital sex and is highly judgmental of my choices. She is not aware that I am sexually active, and I am afraid that she would react very poorly if she knew that I was. She is a devout Catholic and is quite conservative concerning these issues. Quite frankly, I do not think that my sexual activity is any of her business. I decided to make an appointment to get Mirena at school, but again, I cannot keep this decision from her because of insurance issues. I plan on getting Mirena whether she likes it or not because I refuse to put her sensibilities above my health and my future. Yet I do not want to destroy my relationship with my mother. Any advise will be greatly appreciated.

[Sam W]

Hi Flyingelephant,

A few thoughts occur to me. One is, if you're over 18, even if you're on your parents insurance, I'm not sure they can see the specifics of what you're doing. I think, when you go talk to the OB-GYN about Mirena, it would be sound to ask them if/how the procedure will appear on your insurance. That may help you figure out what information your mom will have.

Too, even if she does find out about you getting on Mirena, there's no reason she needs to know all the details of what it is for. You've been dealing with awful periods, and you've told her that. And it's not lying to say that part of the reason you're going on this is the hope that it will help regulate them. So, if she asks, you can tell her that you decided to try it to see if it would help lessen your period woes.

[FlyingElephant]

Update: I called my insurance today. Unfortunately, all facilities in the state I go to college are out of network, so I would be forced to pay the full amount of the procedure. I do not have the money to pay for this myself. I cancelled my appointment and will have to come up with another plan.

[Johanna]

Does your college have a health center? If you paid a health fee with your tuition, you may be able to take advantage of some services on campus. It might be worth it to talk to someone at the health center about your options.

[Amanda]

Also, I'd like to add that many clinics like Planned Parenthood offer services on a sliding scale based on income and ability to pay (as a college student with little or no income, you may qualify for free or highly reduced-cost care). You can use our Help Near You feature to find a clinic if you want, or just do a quick Google search. These kinds of clinics would be more than happy to talk with you about your options.

[FlyingElephant]

My college does have a health center, but their appointments for Mirena are booked until late April. Additionally, they have students make three appointments for Mirena: one consultation, one for the insertion, and one follow up, so I would have to stay on campus until mid May to finish the process. I am scheduled to leave campus the first week of May. Additionally, our health fee applies only to psychological services.
I decided to ask my mom to try again to make an appointment with the OB-GYN for me. I may get more support for birth control if the doctor is promoting it to help with my periods. I have never been to the gyno, so I am a bit overdue for an appointment.

[Amanda]

Sounds like a great plan. I hope things go more smoothly with your mom this time around.

Best of luck!