Issues with condom use (PLEASE respond)

[PrincessLuLu]

Okay, so I'm in a serious romantic relationship with a wonderful guy I'll call *Jack. Jack and I get along really well and are somewhat sexually active (have done various sexual acts such as oral and manual acts, but not intercourse yet). We communicate well about things, and we established early on that I do take birth control pills (TriSprintec to be exact, which is combination), but we also wanted to use condoms just to be on safer side, as we both know that it's often a good idea. Anyways, neither of us have had much experience prior to each other (me, only some with one previous bf and im his first gf), and so a few different times we have wanted to have sex, we've had issues with condoms. First, we had normal-sized ones his dad gave him, but every time he put one on, it was so tight at the base, it cut off blood flow to his penis, causing him not only inability to stay hard, but also led to some physical pain. After doing some research online, we discovered that there actually is difference in sizes, and that for some men, most condoms do not fit comfortably. FDA regulations make it hard for men of above-average girth (which Jack is, as well as in length) to find condoms that work. Fortunately, though, we found some condoms that dont hurt when he puts them on and doesnt cut off blood flow too much (Trojan Magnum XL's). But, since we've tried these a few times, he's had trouble staying hard, so sex has not yet been successful. We both want to have sex, and love and trust one another. We've been practicing with these so he can get used to the feeling of it (some of the sexual activity we currently do involves manual things as well as ejaculation), but Im starting to be annoyed that this is so difficult. It's not his fault, it's just we want to have sex without these obstacles. Anyways, my question is, would it be wise to suggest or consider not using condoms? Due to our monogamy and lack of previous experience, there is no chance for STI infection. Ive also learned in my human sexuality class (university level) that the TFR, aka Typical Failure Rate of male condoms is higher than the pill, and I'm pretty good at taking it every day. That being said, I also don't want to unnecessarily increase risk of pregnancy. Is this a wise thing to consider or is it totally irresponsible? If it's a bad idea, what do you suggest to remedying this issue? Any advice about this would be appreciated, as I've struggled to find much info on this.

[Johanna]

Welcome to Scarleteen, PrincessLuLu! It sounds like you have done a lot of research on this and know what you're doing, that's great!

Whether you want to go ahead and ditch condoms is a question of how comfortable you feel with risks. If you both have never had any other sexual contact, then your risk of STIs is indeed low (though to be extra sure, you two can still also get an STI screening). In terms of the pregnancy risk, the same applies - it is a matter of your comfort level. If you feel okay relying solely on the pill, then that is something you and your patner can consider. You also have the option of switching to a method such as an IUD or the implant, which offer even more protection than the pill, if that's something that makes you feel better about using only one method.

Alternatively, you can explore some more options with condoms before you ditch them. Have you tried out other larger condoms besides the Trojans? You might consider shopping for them online, plenty of places sell variety packs that give you the opportunity to try different brands. You can also give the female condom a try and see if that feels any better for you two.