Sex is impossible!

[daisychain]

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now and we have tried to have penetrative sex over 10 times- all of our attempts have been unsuccessful.

I always feel sufficiently aroused, we have tried using lube and always use condoms. We spend lots of times (sometimes over an hour) on foreplay alone and I always feel really wet but it's still difficult to even fit two fingers into my vagina (I have also never been able to use tampons and usually only masturbate with one finger, and if I try to use two they only go half the way in).

Every time he tries to insert his penis I feel like I'm being stabbed and we have to stop. The furthest he's gotten can't be more than an inch or two. We have both had other sexual relations before (my only previous attempt at PIV sex with someone else was also unsuccessful). Neither of us have any STIs.

My partner is extremely understanding, loving, supportive and always wants me to feel good. I don't know what we're doing wrong!

After every attempt I have extremely sharp vaginal pains (usually around the sensitive bit closest to the anus). I really want to be able to enjoy sex with my partner! Any advice would be really helpful and much appreciated! Thank you.

[Karyn]

Have you talked to a healthcare provider about this? If you're making sure you're fully aroused, using plenty of lube, and are still finding it painful, then the next step is to see a doctor. Until you can see a doctor, stick to the kinds of sex that don't involve vaginal entry; if you keep trying and keep having pain, it's more likely that you'll anticipate pain and that can make things worse.

[daisychain]

Thank you so much for replying!:)

Going to a doctor's office for this particular problem at my age, considering I'm not married, isn't really an option where I live and that's the worst part of this whole situation. It just makes me hate my body because I really don't know what to do or who to ask. There aren't really any clinics to go to for help either so we're all kind of stuck figuring things out for ourselves.

Thanks!

[Ruth]

Is it possible that you find penetration so difficult because you're uncomfortable with the idea or afraid of it hurting? Relaxation is pretty much the Ultimate Thing here - if you're nervous because you're thinking "oh god this is going to hurt/fail" or "I hate my body" then that's really (literally) not going to allow you to open up.

Things that you could do that I think could help you: firstly, I think dividing sexual activities into "sex" and "foreplay" probably is going to be putting pressure on you to 'achieve' sex, which then leaves you feeling bad when you're unable to. I think this post about reframing ideas of sex (using a handy pizza analogy) might help you with that? http://www.scarleteen.com/article/in_yo ... l_metaphor

Secondly, I think taking time out for yourself so that you have something to feel positive about that isn't about sex, this article might help: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse ... a_la_carte

After those, is there anything else we can help you with?