Dating advice .

[summershimmer]

I'm a 17 and have never dated and or kissed anyone . I did care deeply for one guy , but we never dated . The fact that I hadn't dated did irk me for a long while , it bothered me a lot tbh , but then I became a Christian and they told us that it was good that I hadn't dated and what not . I'm not as keen on dating as I used to be , but I feel like I'll be mocked when I get to university next year for having not dated and or kissed anyone . Should I keep this a secret ? Will people find me weird because of this ? Also I think at some point I'd like to be in a relationship just not with someone I don't see a future with . Will this be viewed weird at university ? Is it weird ? They taught us at Church they we shouldn't be entering into aimless relationships , and I firmly believe that to be true , I just don't want to be judged because of that . Thanks for answering .

[Heather]

Ultimately, there's no choice, with anything, that guarantees us no one will judge us. Judgmental people will judge things, no matter what choices we make. Even if one group doesn't, or celebrates our choice, another may be judgy about it. So my best advice with choices like these is to shift your focus to make them about YOU.

Ultimately, this is about your life, your choices, and what you do and don't want. You can't control what others may think about any of it, but you also have to live with choices you make and how you feel about them is mostly going to be based in how YOU feel. When we make choices we feel best about, and be strong in who we are -- whatever our choices -- it's usually pretty easy to deal with judgements people may make. It's a lot harder if we make choices based on others we, ourselves, don't feel great about, because we've got to live with ourselves all the time.

Get what I'm saying?

Personally, I'd lobby for you to do what you feel best about with dating, and to be strong in those choices, rather than hide out in them. Why lie to others about not dating? You haven't done anything shameful: you've just gone with what you feel best about so far, and what feels right for you. If people are going to be jerks about that, better to know and get away from them so you can stick around the people who respect your choices.

And as someone it's safe to say the vast majority of people find weird in one way or another, I can also tell you that people thinking you are weird is not a big deal. It's okay not only to be thought of as weird, but even to BE weird. Normal not only is overrated, it's actually not very real, because we're all just way too diverse as a people for there to be any one "normal" about anything. Even if someone thought you were weird -- or even if you ARE weird -- so what?