Scarleteen

Hey everybody!

Man, I just gotta say that Scarleteen does an awesome job helping out everybody on here so I am very excited in knowing if I have a problem or issue going on that is relevant to you guys, you'll do your best to help me out.

Ok so my situation is probably a bit long winded as I always tend to write too much but I guess the more information, the better you'll understand the situation right?

Okay, so I moved from the top of my country to the very bottom about two months ago all myself to study down here. I'm most certainly not coping with the study or any of that stuff so I may post about that later but right now his is my main concern. About a month ago or so, I confessed to my really good guy friend that I have a crush on him and he told me he actually likes me back. Long story short, we decided to be together unofficially and then hang out when I come back and see how things go from there. I'm back home for the holidays (he lives in my hometown if I've not already made that clear) and we hung out yesterday and it went great. There was such a good vibe between us and talking to him just flowed. It really was great and I had such a lovely day with him. anyway, later on that afternoon he told me he likes very much and wanted to be with me but didn't think he could handle the distance between us (we are on separate island also and I'm nearly a 6 hour plane trip away) I was of course very upset but saw his side of it. He said he would definitely look at being in a relationship with me when I move back after I finish studying so that's in like December or so. I hadn't definitely made up my mind to move back once I graduate but I would do it for him without a doubt as I don't really have any commitments and besides it would being in the same town as my family. Anyway, he was pretty upset and he said he felt awful (and I could tell he felt awful too) about saying this because he knew how much it was hurting me. He said he would love to stay really close friends until I moved back and stuff but I could see how hard it would be trying to just be friends whilst counting down the days until I moved back. We left each other that afternoon on a pretty sad note because it wasn't what we both wanted but I guess he was so worried about how he would be able to cope with the distance. He said he realized how great hanging out with me was and that he wanted that all of the time but obviously can't because of the distance. We were texting that night and we both knew things with us so weren't right and we were both really miserable so he said he wanted to give it a go with me and make it work with the distance. So I asked him out officially and he said yes. I am very happy as he is such an incredible guy and he really does make me so happy but I am beyond scared about the distance. I am still back home for the holidays and I will be seeing him on the 15th before I go home so I'm looking forward to that. It's just so hard being at opposite ends of the country and I have my study to focus on and he is extremely into sports and also is a very good student on top of that so we are both very busy. Also, his dad is a bit up right with phones so he can't really text me back as fast/as often as he would like when his dad is around. He also isn't too keen on phone calls but said he would try for me so I guess that's a start. I've got a lot of things on my mind right now because I know now that if I want to make things work with him and I long term, I will have to move back to my hometown after I've finished studying because neither of us can handle the distance. It is honestly killing me knowing how far away he is and how I won't be able to cuddle him or anything like that. I am a very touchy person so it'll be especially hard for me. So yeah, I'm feeling very confused right now and stressed but also very happy right now because we are finally official. I guess what I'm asking for is if anybody has any advice about long distance relationships, real life stories about it perhaps and anything else you think could possibly help me because I am so worried that we won't be able to handle the distance. I'll next be home in July so hopefully we will be able to hang out heaps then but I doubt my parents will let him stay at my house and I can't stay at his so it would just have to be seeing in town for the day and that isn't enough. :/ so yeah, pretty much any bits and pieces regarding this topic would be greatly appreciated. Also, I'm not sure if it matters but if you were worrying; I am 17 and he is 16.

Thank you in advance everybody!

Hello there, whatacatch!

There's no doubt that long distance relationships can be very stressful. But some people make it work so there's hope.

Personally, I haven't been in your situation ever so I can't speak from a personal angle but one thing I think can help is to keep a record of the things that happen in your life while you are apart. Can sound silly but writing down a list of "things I want to share when I talk to X person" can be very helpful. The hard thing when couples are apart is exactly how much you wished they were there with you, and how much they wish they were there with you too.

I'm going to leave the space open for people with more experience in this matter, but I wanted you to know that someone saw your post and wish you good luck.

Hey, whatacatch.

As Edith said, long distance relationships can be difficult and sometimes stressful. It is possible to make them work though, and in my experience the most important thing is really the same in any relationship, long distance or not: communication. Phone calls are a good way to do that, but there are other ways too - texting is one, emailing is great and something like skype (not quite a phone call but close) is fantastic. One thing I've found super helpful is to schedule a time once or twice a week that works for both of you, when you know you'll have at least a few hours, to have a phone call or skype call. That way you're basically guaranteeing yourselves at least a certain amount of time each week to catch up.

It might seem old fashioned, but writing letters and sending little care packages can also be fun. It's kind of unusual these days to get something in the mail, and you can be a bit more creative with letters or cards or packages than you can with texts and emails.

Almost half of my current relationship has been long-distance (and we met 8 years ago, so quite a while), so feel free to ask me about my experience if that would be helpful. More generally, we have a great piece on long distance relationships that might be useful: Going the Distance: A Few Thoughts on Long-Distance Relationships