Foursome Anxiety?

[Kvothe]

tw for rape, group sex, dysphoria, anxiety, nausea/sickness?

Hi! I need advice?

Basically, I've been dating my partner for about two years. Recently, two friends (trans dude and cis girl) have been talking about how they'd like all of us to hook up, to the point where if my partner is game I think it'll happen fairly soon. Which is great! I love them all so much and I'm attracted to them all and we all get on really well.

However, I'm slightly terrified. I have anxiety anyway, my two friends are a year or so older and way more sexually experienced, and as someone who doesn't really have penetrative sex in general and has never had sex with a dude, the trans guy's strap on is verrryyy big and intimidating. Not to mention, my partner is really severely depressed and has a lot of body anxiety, one of the friends is a recent rape survivor with PTSD and occasional episodes which have previously resulted in me being punched in the face, I have dysphoria because I'm also trans and am very specific about sex and what I'm comfortable with doing, and the idea of navigating all of this sets off my anxiety!

And my anxiety about us all getting together is leading me to become anxious when I'm around my friends, which sucks because I adore them and want to spend time with them. I get really nauseous when I'm anxious, so I can't eat food around any of them at the moment

Any replies at all would be appreciated

[Keda]

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a tough time of it! *jedi hugs*

Have the four of you talked about the stuff you're worried about? Communicating beforehand, about stuff like what kinds of sex you're going to have, what toys each person does/doesn't want to use and so on, is just as important for group sex as it is for partnered sex - maybe even more so since you may not feel as comfortable saying "Woah, everybody, hang on..." in the middle of things when you're addressing a group rather than just one person. That's probably going to be useful for your friend with PTSD too, since everybody will want to know if there's anything they need to do to avoid triggering them; and equally for you and your trans friend if there's anything your partners need to know about how dysphoria affects you both during sex.

Talking about this stuff might not solve all the problems, but I think it would be an important step in terms of making sure you all know what you're potentially signing up for, and therefore whether or not it's likely to be difficult for you all; and, if you decide to go ahead, having talked in advance will make things much more likely to be fun and positive for everyone.