Scarleteen

When my boyfriend fingers me it doesn't feel good. I have this problem with masterbation as well. It feels alright, pretty boring. And when he puts his finger in my vagina it hurts a bit. He once tried 2 fingers and I HAD to stop him. The reason it hurt was because I wasn't wet at all. Even after making out. He will feel the clit a little and outside my vagina, but that even is a bit boring. I love my boyfriend a lot. Although I will admit I'm bi-curious. Meaning I have looked at girls romantically. Is something wrong with my vagina? Or is he doing it wrong? How do I tell him he is doing it wrong? Please help, thank you

Hi Victoria,

You've already touched on one of the more common reasons for painful penetration. That is, a lack of lube. In fact, most people, even people who do get fairly wet when aroused, find that adding lube to the mix makes things better. So, if you don't have any, I suggest buying some to use the next time you and your boyfriend try this.

The second thing is that, often, when sex is painful, that's a sign that we may not be all the way ready for it and are tensing up or not getting aroused due to nerves. So take some time to sit with yourself (not when sex is right about to happen) and think about whether or not you're all the way comfortable with and excited to be doing what you're doing. And, even when the answer to that is yes, nerves can still be a factor. Most people will be a little nervous when they start being sexual. That's where taking it slow and communicating with your partner come in. That communication can happen both before you get sexual ( our checklist is helpful with that : Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist ) and in the moment. If something hurts, say it hurts, if something feels good, say it. And if something is not painful but isn't doing much, suggest you two try something else.

I'll also give you this article, as it covers some of this in more detail:
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse