scared but maybe silly...?

[poppyseed]

I feel like I'm being a bit too nervous about this, and silly for asking, but after reading a lot of articles, I'm really confused.
I'm currently 5 weeks postpartum, and breastfeeding exclusively.
A couple of nights ago we felt like having some intimacy but I'm still waiting for my 7 weeks checkup, so we engaged in some anal sex instead of a vaginal intercourse.
Right after we finished, and he ejaculated, I went to the bathroom to wamyself, but instead of wiping first I directly put soap with a 5.0 ph first on the vaginal opening, then on the anus, which was a bit slimy, and then washed everything all together.
I know that maybe it sounds silly, but I'm really panicing like hell, thinking all the time about this Rambo sperm traveling through soap and water and making me pregnant again...
Can you please help me clearing up how much of a risk there is, since I have two more weeks to wait before knowing?
Thank you so much...

[Heather]

Breastfeeding as birth control - for lack of a better way of putting it - is actualy highly effective, about as effective as the birth control pill. For more information on that, see: http://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/ ... astfeeding

So, regardless of what sexual activities you engage in, if you are continuously breastfeeding, pregnancy is highly unlikely.

Washing after any kind of sex does not offer you any kind of protection from pregnancy, just for future reference. And probably we don't need to talk about the reality of Rambo sperm.

[poppyseed]

Thank you for your answer!
I've been breastfeeding without punping and exclusively with my own milk, but I saw that it's not effective if I use a pacifier (which I use when baby start spitting milk and refuses the breast anyway after feeling full).
In addition, I saw little white sticky discharge today, so I'm starting to thiink that I might be ovulating...
Anyway, I know that washing isn't a form of birth control...but I was wondering if having sperm mixed to soap on my hand might be a problem while washing.
i know it sounds silly, but when you're scared, everything seems possible.

[Heather]

I have never seen any data that suggests pacifier use makes any difference. What does, and is studied, is having times when you use formula, rather than breastfeeding exclusively.

Fertile mucus isn't actually usually the sticky stuff: it tends to be very thin, fluid and clear, much like egg white. But by all means, you can start charting your fertility now if you'd like to have a better idea about that in the future.

And no, nothing about the washing, period, makes any difference here.

Would you like to talk about methods of birth control you could be using while breastfeeding? Sounds like you'd feel better if you were using a secondary method, and not just relying on lactation.

[poppyseed]

The mucus now seems like gluey clumps, if I take it between my fingers it stretches a lot, it's really weird.

I didn't understand your answer about the water and soap part, can you clarify this part?

I'm waiting my 7 weeks checkup with the gynecologist, mostly because before that appointment I wouldn't engage in vaginal intercourse.
I feel really embarassed for this event, mostly because I feel like I toke the risk for nothing.
as birth control, I was thinking about taking the mini pill.
Is it safe?

[Heather]

The water and soap would have made no difference either way. (If it helps: Acqua e sapone non fanno la possibilita di gravidanza piu grande o piu piccolo. But I'm rusty as hell with my Italian and can't get accents to work on my keyboard to save my life, so that may have made it less clear!)

I don't see any reason for you to feel embarrassed about this. Once more, breastfeeding is a REALLY effective way of preventing pregnancy for the first six months or so, as much as the combined birth control pill. Too, wanting sexual intimacy is one of the most common human wants there is: it's nothing to be ashamed of pursuing.

Also, in case your doctor hasn't talked to you about this, you are going to likely have a lot of discharge changes in the next year or so, and it'll probably be awfully random. And you ovulating while you are exclusively breastfeeding, especially so soon, would be highly unusual.

[poppyseed]

Okay, thank you your italian is quite nice!
I was just afraid I introduced some sperm while washing, so I was really scared I made a mess.
Yeah, I understand. We're a youd couple and we feel very attracted by each other, so abstinence is a torture for us.
I'm really scared of another pregnancy this soon, it would be a task force for me, so I'm really looking forwaed this appointment with the doctor.
i was relying on bf as birth control, but then I found aut there are cases wher children have like 10-12 months of spacing between each other.
now this strange discharge that looks like sticky glue is making me worry.
It is srill effective even if my child sometimes is sucking for just a couple.of minutes on,some feedings? I didn't find this information anywhere.
sometimes he nurses 4 times an hour, sometimes he sleeps r-5 hours straight.
can this make bf less effective as bc?

Thank you for all the answers, you're really helping me out.

[Heather]

My grandmother would spin (or probably yell or give me the evil eye, you know how it is) in her grave at how rusty it is, but grazie.

Like I said, you don't have to worry about washing "introducing" sperm. Soap and sperm cells don't mix, and pregnancy from that kind of indirect contact is not for real anyway.

You can rest assured that with that kind of spacing with pregnancies, the people either were NOT breastfeeding, or were not doing so exclusively. Again, lactation is just as effective as the birth control pill when used exclusively, within the first six months after delivery. And nothing you are describing here suggests to me that you could not rely on that method: you are describing pretty typical patterns with breastfeeding.

That discharge is most likely normal, infertile discharge. That's how it tends to look: pasty and glue-y. Probably you just never observed it so closely before, because you were not worried like this.

In the meantime, you can also use condoms if you like: they're cheap and easy to find. Perhaps paired with lactation, that'd make you feel more at ease until you do get the mini-pills you want?

[poppyseed]

Thank you, you're really reassuring me about breastfeeding.
I nurse my baby everytime he asks for it, so I guess it's ok. We also co-sleeping, and I have him with me 24/7.
I never saw this kind of discharge, looks like the mucus plug I had before delovery, mixed with slippery stuff, but just a little, a few drops.

My husband can't use condoms, they make him lose all the arousement right away so I'll just wait for the pill

[Heather]

Happy to be of help! And if you want any support or help around being a new mother, please let us know! We're glad to do what we can there as well, be it about your body, your relationships, or parenting information.

If you ever want some tips that might help change that for him -- a lot of people just don't know how to think about and use them properly -- please ask!

And in case you don't know, the mini-pill is one safe and great option. The depo-provera injection is also safe for breastfeeding mothers, as is the implant or IUD, if you want other methods to consider that are highly effective and also very long-acting.

[poppyseed]

Before pregnancy I used nuvaring, so maybe the injection might be a good option.

I hope I'm not accidentally pregnant, so I can take a breath and give all of me to this baby boy I love with all my heart.
should I open a new topic if I have questions about parenthood?
About bf as birth control again, tell me if I'm wrong:
It works first 6 minths, breastfeeding exclusively when child asks for it, before the first menses after birth? Am I right?
Is there something more for children spacing?

[Heather]

Well, mille felicitazioni on your new little man (and hey, thanks for giving me a good reason to pull out my Italian)!

In terms of a new topic, whatever you like! If you want to connect with other young parents, though, your best bet is to make a new one in the Pregnancy and Parenting section of the boards.

With using breastfeeding as birth control (also called LAM), it is highly effective so long as your period have not returned, and you are exclusively breastfeeding (no formula), basically on-demand as your infant is seeking to feed. One your baby is about six months old, that's when it may not be effective anymore, even if you are still breastfeeding.

For spacing pregnancies in general, it's really just about using a reliable method of contraception. Again, in these first six months when you are exclusively breastfeeding, that counts! But after, or otherwise, the methods we've talked about are all highly effective.