I love him, but don't want to have sex anymore.

[m.m.s]

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 months now, and our sex life was very good in the beginning. We would have sex several times in a week, sometimes even several times in one day. However, I have recently lost my desire for sex. We don't even have sex on a weekly basis any more, and when we do I am not enjoying it. I usually feel very bored and find myself wishing he will finish faster so it will be over. He is an extremely sexual person, so I feel guilty about not wanting to have sex, and often give in to his requests even though I don't want to. Initially I was thinking the honeymoon stage was just over, and it would be something we could easily work through. But now it is starting to really jeopardize the relationship. It has him questioning the way I feel, and also has me questioning if this relationship can work anymore. I love everything about him, and sincerely love being with him, I just don't want to have sex with him. I dont know what to do anymore, but I really want to make it work. Is it possible to still have a good relationship without enjoying sex, or is there a way I might be able to regain my sexual desire for him?

[Johanna]

Welcome to Scarleteen, m.m.s. So it looks like you're learning that the libido can be very unpredictable, and is not constant and static. It's perfectly normal for sexual desire to come and go, and for us to have times in our lives when we're feeling super sexual, and times when we're feeling less into it. The libido can also be influenced by a lot of things: when we're feeling stressed, or physically or mentally unwell, that can negatively affect the sex drive. Is anything like that going on for you right now?

Regardless of whether this is just some regular libido fluctuation, or something that's caused by other factors in your life, it's important to honor how you are feeling. If you're not feeling into sex, it's best to listen to that and not have sex. Forcing yourself to have sex you're not interested in is actually counter-productive, so I would encourage you to try and stop doing that.

Do you think you can have a frank conversation with your partner, explain to him that your lower sex drive has nothing to do with him, and ask for a break from sex while tbhis is going on for you?

[m.m.s]

Yes, I am about to graduate from college, which has been extremely stressful. I guess I am afraid to talk to him about it, because despite the fact that I trust him and don't believe he would leave over sex, I am still terrified that he might.

[Sam W]

Hi m.m.s

That can be a scary conversation to have, but if you want to be long term partners with him, those types of conversations will happen one way or another. Too, if he's the kind of person who would leave you over you not being in the mood for sex right now, he's not a good partner for you, so it will be good to have that information (and, hopefully, he's not that type of person).

Too, it can help to remember that not having sex does not necessarily mean not being intimate with each other or feeling connected. You can read some more about that here, if you'd like:
Intimacy: The Whys, Hows, How-Nots, and So-Nots