Usually when we're having a rough time and feeling anxious or sad or just blah it's really tempting to try and make that feeling go away as soon as possible, and get back to being happy or relaxed. But sometimes it's okay to not be okay, and it can actually be a valuable experience and sometimes an important part of self-care to just sort of sit with those uncomfortable feelings for a while rather than trying to push past them or make them go away. (Taking the time to just be upset and explore why we might be feeling that way can be really useful, for instance.)
I ran across a piece a while ago that talked about this and found it really interesting, and I thought it might be useful to some of you as well, particularly if you're dealing with some anxiety. The article doesn't talk specifically about anxiety, but it definitely applies to all sorts of uncomfortable emotions: 3 Radical Reasons to Be Okay with Not Being Okay (and 4 Ways to Manage the Feelings)
So, how okay are you with not being okay? What's your instinct when you're feeling down or worried - try to make it go away, or sit with it for a bit and let yourself feel, even if it's uncomfortable? If you have ways of dealing with not being okay, too, I'd love to hear them!
Being okay with not being okay
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Please remember that neither staff, volunteers nor your fellow users can provide or replace mental healthcare when that is something you need. Users struggling with issues like anxiety, depression, abuse or physical health issues are strongly encouraged to seek out qualified, in-person help with those issues in addition to peer or staff support.
We ask that users looking for general, ongoing emotional support post in this area of the boards, and that you use this space to both ask for, give and receive that support primarily from each other, rather than from our staff and volunteers. As a staff, we simply are often too overextended with all we need to do in running the organization and its services to do that for extended periods of time, and one of our main aims of our community at the boards has always been to facilitate peers to better be there for each other.
Users often report that they have no in-person peers they can talk to or seek support from: we want this to be a space for online peer support and somewhere everyone can get some practice asking for, getting and giving support so that doing it with people in your lives feels more doable.
Please remember that neither staff, volunteers nor your fellow users can provide or replace mental healthcare when that is something you need. Users struggling with issues like anxiety, depression, abuse or physical health issues are strongly encouraged to seek out qualified, in-person help with those issues in addition to peer or staff support.
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Karyn
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Being okay with not being okay
"Where there is power, there is resistance." -Michel Foucault
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kawani3792
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Re: Being okay with not being okay
Ah...thank you for posting this. Like, major thank yous.
If I'm feeling some flavor of not-good, I generally try to make it go away. Like most people, I think. I'll listen to music, I've got a fun little upbeat playlist on my iPod, and I'll lip-sync to songs that I know by heart and that I love, and everything is good again, and I can avoid the not-good entirely.
The thing is, I've been tentatively diagnosed with something called Borderline Personality Disorder. It involves, among other things, really strong emotions, and very fast emotional swings. I'm bawling my eyes out and screaming bloody murder. Five minutes later, I've no idea why. I'm perfectly fine. I can't tell you why I was so upset in the first place.
And one of the things to help with it is to 'accept the emotions, observe the emotions without getting caught up in them', that sort of thing. And until now, I had no idea how that would even be a thing. I'm used to, if I just...let myself feel un-good, rather than trying to fix it, that I'm wallowing in it, that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. It's hard to define how I'm supposed to accept my emotions without some sort of blueprint. This is a really excellent blueprint.
If I'm feeling some flavor of not-good, I generally try to make it go away. Like most people, I think. I'll listen to music, I've got a fun little upbeat playlist on my iPod, and I'll lip-sync to songs that I know by heart and that I love, and everything is good again, and I can avoid the not-good entirely.
The thing is, I've been tentatively diagnosed with something called Borderline Personality Disorder. It involves, among other things, really strong emotions, and very fast emotional swings. I'm bawling my eyes out and screaming bloody murder. Five minutes later, I've no idea why. I'm perfectly fine. I can't tell you why I was so upset in the first place.
And one of the things to help with it is to 'accept the emotions, observe the emotions without getting caught up in them', that sort of thing. And until now, I had no idea how that would even be a thing. I'm used to, if I just...let myself feel un-good, rather than trying to fix it, that I'm wallowing in it, that I'm making a big deal out of nothing. It's hard to define how I'm supposed to accept my emotions without some sort of blueprint. This is a really excellent blueprint.
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Karyn
- previous staff/volunteer
- Posts: 1407
- Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 3:00 pm
- Age: 40
- Awesomeness Quotient: I collect condoms.
- Primary language: English
- Pronouns: she/her
- Sexual identity: queer
- Location: Canada
Re: Being okay with not being okay
I'm so glad it was helpful for you! And I agree with a lot of what you've said here: there is often a lot of pressure to try and move past the not-good feelings as soon as possible, in part because sitting with them can definitely feel like it's not productive or helpful or we're just feeling sorry for ourselves, etc. It's great that you found that piece a useful starting place; it can be difficult to learn how to just experience emotions without trying to "fix" them in some way, and it's even harder if we don't have any idea where to start learning!
"Where there is power, there is resistance." -Michel Foucault