Need help grasping the facts

[ALS234]

Hi everyone,
I've been posting on here the past few months about a pregnancy scare I have that occurred Feb 28. From what I remember, neither of us took our underwear off (although his boxers did have a peek hole), we never intentionally rubbed our areas together, and when he ejaculated, it was nowhere near my genitals. Since then, I've had three episodes of bleeding: the first was pretty normal but ended early and that's what triggered my worry. The second one came when expected and again was normal but ended early. Now today (30 days from the previous period) I started bleeding, and although my cramps feel very intense and normal for a period, my bleeding is extremely scant. Usually the flow starts a few hours after it begins, but there hasn't been a flow yet and that's starting to worry me. The last pregnancy test I took (#25) was Tuesday (60 days after the act in question), and it was negative. I've checked into counseling to get to the bottom of my anxiety, but when I'm not in a session, my anxiety rises again. I know you've told me countless times that you've already set a limit and I'm trying my best to respect that, but if it's appropriate, could you please just send me a quick list of the reasons why pregnancy is not possible and not present in my case? I try to do this when I get nervous, but I'm not confident in my knowledge whatsoever even though I've studied this extensively. My nausea has subsided which is good but this "period" is really freaking me out again. Thank you.

[Johanna]

I am glad to hear that you are in counseling, ALS. Have you talked to your therapist about learning some coping tools that you can use outside of the sessions when the anxiety hits you?

[ALS234]

Thank you for your reply! The only technique this far she has suggested would be to write out my fears and then write out the facts next to them and compare how they make me feel. I do this a lot, but I'm always worried that I have the facts wrong even though I've read almost every page on this site. It's also hard to let go because I'm going through this alone and I don't have a voice of reason to talk me through it when I'm by myself. She has also suggested doing fun stuff to distract myself, but I don't like to because it reminds me that things may never be the same because I could possibly be pregnant. I took another test this morning (cvs digital early response) exactly 9 weeks after my most recent "risk" and it was negative. We've started getting to the bottom of why I'm so afraid of this, but I only meet with her once a week and in the meantime (when I'm alone) my fears come back. I'm still bleeding today but again there is no flow even though my cramps have been as intense as ever. Could it be that my period has been off because I've been stressing so much? I think I just need someone to tell me that. On average, I've only been getting 4 hours of sleep a night because I've been so stressed with school and this fear. Could that also be a factor? Thank you.

[Johanna]

Lack of sleep can totally be a factor in your fears. When we don't get enough sleep, or body's defenses are just way down and it can make it easier for us to feel stress. So, part of good self-care is trying to get a good night's sleep. Do you have a good bedtime ritual for winding down before you go to sleep? If not, would you like to brainstorm some ideas for what such a ritual could look like?

[ALS234]

I haven't really had a structured sleep schedule because I stay up all night studying. Usually I'll go to bed around 5 am, and before actually falling asleep I always reenact what happened that night that is causing me so much worry because that was the bed we were in. Right before falling asleep I get a sense of relief because I remember that what we did can't cause pregnancy, but every morning I wake up in the midst of an anxiety attack for some reason. I'm so ready for school to end (finals week is this week), but I'm also scared that because I'll have a lot more time on my hands, I'll start to worry about pregnancy even more.

[Eddie C]

Sleeping is really, really important! I know that school can be very stressing but you really need to try and get more sleep. Without it is really hard to fight anything.

Maybe you can start by planning some activities for summer that will keep you busy? Some little projects on what you can focus your time and energy? It doesn't have to be something big, maybe just joining a sports team, taking yoga classes, painting something you like.

That way you can relax a little bit about having too much spare time on your hands which, btw, can be scary for anyone, even without a pregnancy scare.

[ALS234]

I will be pretty busy over the summer because I'm in charge of putting on freshman orientation and that is a lot of work, but it's going to be hard for me to focus on that instead of my scare. Is there anything you think I can tell myself to nip this fear in the bud as soon as possible? I don't want to worry about this for 6 more months.

[Eddie C]

Well, if you want my personal opinion, I think there's no reason to think -- at least not before you know for sure -- that you are going to fail at focusing in your work this summer because of your scare. I truly believe that we need to stay positive in order to work and get what we want.

[ALS234]

Could you please answer me this? If you were in my shoes, and participated in an act that was either a non-risk or an extremely low risk (can't even remember if our clothed genitals even grazed each other and after he ejaulated into a paper towel after a handjob, I made sure we both wiped our hands with a baby wipe before letting them go near my vagina), got three periods when expected (albeit all were lighter than normal), and a negative pregnancy test 9 weeks after the fact (plus several negative tests prior), would you be worried about possible pregnancy in the slightest? My breasts were hurting before I started bleeding and now they're so much better, so I'm taking that as a good sign. I know I'm being ridiculous. I realize that it takes a lot to conceive, but I can't help but worry that maybe there was a rogue sperm that defied all odds, or maybe God either wants to punish me for being sexual or it's His plan that I have a child even though I didn't actually have intercourse, or I'm worried that maybe we did actually have sex or direct contact but I forgot(?) even though I'm still a virgin and would know if we did anything that I've never done before. It's these kind of thoughts that go through my head that make me über-worried and it's hard to sort through them most of the time.

[Eddie C]

I'm not going to help you fall in the same circle of asking something that has already been answering. That's not going to help you, and we know that as a fact.

Besides, it's not about what I'd feel in a situation like that because, I am me, and I am a different person. I have my own anxiety and worries that might be different from yours. You could even think that mines are not so important and that would be okay because mines are not yours. (I know it sounds like a riddle but it is not. )

What is really important here is YOU. And what makes YOU worried. And what YOU need to feel better.

So, if you want to keep talking about ways to keep moving forward, we can do that.

[ALS234]

Haha okay I understand. I'm just so desperate for someone to smack me on the head and tell me I'm crazy for being so worried about this! Lol. I know the steps of moving forward are things like not looking up horror stories about having period-like bleeding, multiple negative pregnancy tests, and not finding out until second trimester all at the same time. I know there are specific situations where these could apply, but the odds of all of them happening at once are pretty non existent. I need the self discipline to not look up this stuff.

[Eddie C]

And also, what you need is to understand you are not crazy, you know? Anxiety is not so bad all the time. If you pay attention it will tell you what you need, you just need to listen.

So, if you can just cut some slack and understand that your feelings are important -- even if sometimes they make you feel crazy! -- you probably will move forward much faster than you think.

[ALS234]

Do you have any techniques that I could try to lessen my anxiety?

[Eddie C]

Indeed, I do have.

What about giving this next article a chance? http://www.scarleteen.com/article/abuse ... a_la_carte

Self-care is one of the best things you can do for yourself, always.

[ALS234]

I can't wait to be able to use these once my finals are over! I'm so ready to let this fear go, and I need to realize that it's all in my head. Am I being annoying because I'm constantly on here worrying? I can understand that it would annoy you, and I'm really sorry about that!

[Eddie C]

We are always happy to help our users so no, you are not annoying anyone. If sometimes we draw limits and boundaries is because we want to best serve all of you.

[ALS234]

Do you have any more information on why sperm can't get through even one pair of underwear? I can't seem to let it go that maybe it did indeed get through. I spoke with a nurse once and she said that I shouldn't say it's impossible and that I can never be too careful. That's why I'm still freaking out I think.

[Eddie C]

Sure thing.

http://www.scarleteen.com/blog/patricia ... perm_cells
http://www.scarleteen.com/you_cannot_be ... e_pants_on
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/bodie ... production

Just so you know, the boards are going to be on break for a week. You will be able to read but not post until the break is over. So probably you can take this time to try to stay away from all pregnancy scare topics and instead take care of yourself with the pointers you read in the self-care article! More info in here: http://www.scarleteen.com/bb/viewtopic.php?f=2&t=2084