Scarleteen

Hi there,

So I'm planning on having sex tomorrow for the first time in over two years and I am very nervous. Will it hurt like my first time? Will I bleed? I bleed the first 6 or so times my ex and I did it and it hurt those times too. I'm really nervous it will hurt and be awkward because I haven't done it in over 2 years. Any advice? Tips? I'm really worried about the pain even though he said he'll stop if I get too sore! Thanks so much

Hi Whatacatch,

Communication, communication, communication!!!!! Sounds like the two of you have already started to talk about this some but that does not mean that the conversation is over (nor should it ever be when it involves any type of sex). This is something that should happen during sex as well and will help as you both try to figure out what things you like and don't like so much. And certainly, if you experience any discomfort you should let your partner know immediately.

But it shouldn't hurt! If it's painful then something is not right. A lot of times that can do with there not being enough lubrication. While you can use lube, paying attention to your body and thoughts is just as important, especially since you are feeling nervous. Anticipating pain can absolutely interfere with you being able to feel arousal and increase your anxiety in the moment making it a situation that could then be painful.

This article goes a lot more in depth:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/gende ... ntercourse

Check it out and let us know if you want to talk about this some more. We can also talk about ways to communicate about sex if you are interested.

Just to be clear, it's not like the body changes from not having any kind of sex. Some people have the idea that some kinds of sex change the body (they don't), and furthermore, that then without it, the body "changes back" to how it was before sex occurred the first time. But those ideas aren't factual or sound.

Mind, with any new partner, it often takes people some practice to figure out what feels good with each other, with communication (and sometimes even to just remember things they need for sex to feel good if it's been a while!), et cetera, which is probably the same reason you had bleeding with your ex. Bleeding most often happens because of things like people not being aroused enough, not using lubricant as needed, being too hasty when it comes to vaginal entry, and not speaking up -- and then stopping or changing things up -- when entry doesn't feel good. You say it hurt with your ex at least six times, so I'm willing to bet you two weren't stopping when it did, and figuring out what you needed for things to feel good, and then making those adjustments.