Scarleteen

My boyfriend says that after he masturbates and ejaculates he gets dirty feelings of guilt and shame and then he looses interest in sex and masturbation. We both know self pleasure has many health benefits. How can he overcome this and not feel dirty after doing it?

He just needs to remember that masturbation is a healthy part of human life, and sometimes not masturbating can cause health problems like blue balls. Lots of people masturbate, and I'm sure you could name any world leader, and they have masturbated too. Its completely natural to masturbate, it's nothing to feel guilty or ashamed of.

Just a quick correction with one piece of that: blue balls -- or vasocongestion, which is something that can occur for people of any sex or gender, with or without balls -- isn't a health problem. Rather, it is a temporary, and not in any way dangerous, effect that can happen when someone becomes aroused and does not reach orgasm (which someone can masturbate and not do!). But usually within 20-30 minutes, it takes care of itself, and at most, is just temporarily a bit uncomfortable.

(But otherwise, nice sex-positive additions there, cheers!:))

You are quite right Heather, thank you for the correction, but in my experience, blue balls can actually be quite painful and last a few hours. Now I have no idea if that is typical of it or not, but that is what I know of it.

The thing is, we have broad medical data with this (data and study that accounts for the experiences of thousands and thousands of people, not with what anyone has a few people tell them).

Yes, the genitals -- again, balls not required here -- have a lot of sensory nerve endings, so discomfort with vasocongestion -- and bear in mind that vasocongestion happens in the first place because of sexual excitement, so most of the time people experience it it's part of what makes sex feel good -- can be...well, uncomfortable. But no, this will not last a few hours (especially if someone dealing with this just takes something like an Advil or Tylenol, which changes what's happening with the blood vessels that create that discomfort, so it is no longer an issue).

While there are some people who express that it is very painful, for people without a super low pain threshold for all the things, that's usually a line or a way to try and manipulate someone into sex or into feeling guilty about not doing something sexual they want, I'm afraid.

And if you ever do have someone telling you it'll last for hours and be the worst pain ever, it's a good idea to figure that it's much more likely they are being dishonest with you than real. Especially since, again, this sensation, on the whole, is also what people feel when they feel sexually turned on: it's just that when vasocongestion lasts after sexual stimulation is over, or when it's not happening at all, or can turn into something uncomfortable, but again, something just as temporary as feeling turned on can last from the exact same physiological function.

If you've never experienced vasocongestion lasting yourself to the degree that it feels uncomfortable instead of exciting, I'd say a good sensory comparison is how moderate menstrual cramps can feel.