Confused about wanting sex?

[Nord100]

Hi, I'm not sure if this should be in Sex and Sexuality or a different thread but I'm hoping for help either way.

So I've been conflicted about sex for awhile. Before jumping to conclusions, I'm not asexual. I definitely feel sexual attraction, I am definitely able to feel aroused, and I'm not opposed to the idea of having sex later in life. I am, however, opposed to...something about sex. I get uncomfortable thinking about sex when it comes to the thought of me and someone else, but am entirely comfortable with watching, reading, or talking about sex including other people or fictional characters. I don't want to sound weird but I'm Bi, yet I find both male and female genitalia disgusting to look at and the idea of what sex entails makes me want to crawl in a hole and never leave. When reading a book or story, for example, that involves the reader and a character, i CANNOT imagine myself in the situation. I make up a person who looks somewhat like me. Maybe that's just a self esteem issue and not related?

I'm so confused on what this could mean for me later in life, or if there's a name for how I'm feeling because I can't find any relatable posts online. I know there are people who are ok with no sex in a relationship. But I don't want to go forever without sex. I'm just sort of opposed to the process of it I guess? I don't know. Can someone help? Is this normal?

[Heather]

Welcome to the boards.

One big thing I'm hearing in this sounds like you're thinking about sex as being about -- and having to be about -- genitals. Do I have that right?

Also, it's pretty common for people to have uncomfortable feelings about thinking about being close to genitals in the abstract -- in other words, when you're not thinking about the specific genitals of someone specific for whom you have sexual or romantic feelings. Same goes for looking at the genitalia of someone you don't know, or -- as this is probably the only place you're looking at them -- online or in photographs. So, I'd personally not get too worried about this, or concerned about what it may mean when this isn't abstract, and the genitals at hand are part of the bodies of people you know, trust and already feel close to. If and when you do find that in your actual sexual life with specific people this is an issue for you, then I'd say it's time to talk about that, because who knows if it will or won't feel the same way as it does now. Make sense?

[Nord100]

Thanks for the quick reply!

I think you're spot on about the abstract thinking. I guess I'm thinking about it all too clinically. As you said, when the right person is involved, there'll be more to it than what I'm thinking of sex as right now. And if it's not then I can just discuss it with them.

Thanks so much! I feel silly for not having thought of it that way myself.

[Heather]

You got it!

And if you want a few links to help you expand the way you're thinking about sex, these might be helpful:
• What's Sex?
• Sexuality: WTF Is It, Anyway?