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Boyfriend wants to me intimate but im scared

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emilzewinter
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Posts: 39
Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:06 pm
Age: 28
Location: texas

Boyfriend wants to me intimate but im scared

Unread post by emilzewinter »

My boyfriend and I have known each other for over 5 years and have been dating for 5 months. I have anxiety thinking that everything will get me pregnant such as oral and manual or thinking that somehow there is sperm on surfaces like couches that I will sit on and get pregnant. So I barely let my boyfriend touch me. The rare times where I do touch him or let him simply touch me, I constantly say "Are you sure its safe?" "don't do this" etc. I also want things my way. He likes physical intimacy and I can't. I wish I could stop being scared and be able to be intimate with him since I do like him and I am also on the pill. But I am so scared. This is really affecting our relationship.
Heather
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Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
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Location: Chicago

Re: Boyfriend wants to me intimate but im scared

Unread post by Heather »

Can I first ask if this is something you are working with your therapist about, and if so, what have they suggested for you with this?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
emilzewinter
not a newbie
Posts: 39
Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:06 pm
Age: 28
Location: texas

Re: Boyfriend wants to me intimate but im scared

Unread post by emilzewinter »

Yes. I have mentioned this to my therapist but I have a very busy schedule with work so I only meet with her every two weeks.
emilzewinter
not a newbie
Posts: 39
Joined: Thu Jan 22, 2015 10:06 pm
Age: 28
Location: texas

Re: Boyfriend wants to me intimate but im scared

Unread post by emilzewinter »

She told me to write about how I was feeling and to keep a journal and that she would get into it in our next session.
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9687
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Boyfriend wants to me intimate but im scared

Unread post by Heather »

Any way you can make a change to once a week, given how long you have dealt with these fears and how chronically intrusive to your thoughts and life they have been? You might ask i your therapist is open to working with you on the phone every other week: that might make weekly therapy more doable for you.

That aside, what did she suggest when you did talk to her about it?

Also, I hear you saying what he wants when it comes to sex (which isn't the same as intimacy): what do YOU want?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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