Scarleteen

I'll be very short here, I basically can insert just one finger into my vagina and if I try to insert two, it hurts so much! I read tons of articles about it and I'm basically giving up about it, I mean, I hate it but I must accept it by force, so.... it's also true that internal stimulation doesn't feel as good as external stimulation... it's just very, very frustrating because I will never be able to have sex with my boyfriend. What do girls with my same problem do about the impossibility of having sex with their partner? Because that's basically the only problem.

Hi Cinzia,

When you're trying to insert your fingers, are you aroused and relaxed, or are you pretty tense?(also, nothing will make you tense up like trying to force something into your vagina, so going slow might help there). Two, do you use lubricant at all?

hi Sam, well, I'm actually pretty tense because it hurts... about the lubrifications' part, I don't use one but I just "use mine", i don't think that's the problem; I read that an incredibly amount of girls have the same problem as mine

Well, that tension is likely what's causing some of the issue. After all, it's hard to relax if it hurts. You say that you enjoy external stimulation. Do you do a lot of that before trying to insert anything?

As for lube, it's not unusual for people to find that they need more besides what their body produces. So, if you haven't tried using it, that might be a place to start and see if it helps any. You can also give these two pieces a read (I know the second one refers to intercourse, but much of the advice applies to masturbation as well):
Lube 101: A Slick Little primer
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

yes I do external stimulation a lot before trying to insert a finger; I used to do it more often but one time I hurt myself and didn't inserted it for a month. Is it possible that the tightness is caused by that one time?

thank you for the links, I will look at both of them!

Hi Cinzia,

I just wanted to pass along another piece you might find helpful:I Cannot Insert Anything Into My Vagina

Sam has already brought up a few things that are discussed (lube and being relaxed). You can also check in with a physician to rule out any conditions, but it does sound like this could have a lot to do with the tension you are experiencing. Using your finger would not create any actual physical changes that would result in tightness, but being worried about hurting yourself again or preoccupied with insertion can cause you to tense up.

There are a couple different recommendations in the link. Can you read it and check back in?

I'll surely do it, thanx to you too, Ashleah!

ok, I read the 3 articles fully (sorry, it took me a while because I didn't had time)
I must say that they helped quite a lot: I thought about the concept of "not having a goal of inserting something" and "go slow and relax". That is a thing that I should do more.
The article about lube was also interesting and thanx to that, I discovered that they sell it in pharmacies and not just in sexy shops! I will buy one as soon as I have the occasion to go.
The article "From OW! to WOW!" was very interesting too! thanx again for the links! This site is the best! <3

Great to hear! Glad you found the information useful

I also want to remind you that sex -- of any kind, including masturbation and what we do with masturbation -- should always be a choice. So, nothing needs to ever happen "by force." If something doesn't feel good, then don't do that thing! If you like one finger, and two hurt, then stick to one. Or, if you're only inserting fingers because you feel you should, or have the idea you have to if someday you will want a partner to do that, or to have intercourse, know you do NOT have to do that, and that really doesn't make a whole lot of sense, especially since if when a partner is doing it, it IS something you really want and enjoy, and it does feel good.

In other words, this not feeling good now likely tells you nothing about how it may feel with a partner later. So, no need to worry about that, but also no need to do anything that doesn't feel good to you. Sticking with what feels good and learning what you enjoy with masturbation is more likely to set you up for a happy sexual life with a partner than forcing yourself to do things that don't feel good and that you're only doing because you think you have to.

yes you'r right, I thought about that while reading the third article

Hooray! (This all gets so much easier when we can let go of any feelings or ideas we have that any part of sex, ever, is obligatory rather than optional.)

it's true things are better now, i feel even more relaxed for not worrying about it anymore

Yeah either you not relaxing enough, or just really dry. Being really dry can give the feeling of being really tight when you're not. Even when the loosest/biggest of vaginas can feel tighter when they're dry. Or maybe that's just where you body is comfortable with using right now. Fear not all vaginas can be "trained" or "fixed" to take things ATLEAST the size of a average penis. Fact: all vaginas can stretch ; especially to fit something like a penis. Just take your time. The last thing it could be which is kinda common is vaginismus. That basically correlates with fear /doubt and being tense too. Best of luck to you and your vagina. Happy masturbating

Just to be clear, and make sure the facts don't get obscured here, vaginas don't come in a static size, so there is't a "loosest/biggest" of vaginas, really. There are people whose vaginal canals and the muscles around them are more or less lax (or not), but sparing things like complications from childbirth or after menopause, that's still more situational than static.

As well, vaginismus is actually not particularly common: the general estimate is usually about 2 in every 1,000 people with a vagina experiencing it at some point in their lives.

(Mind, this is a thread from back in March, and as the user's made clear, the situation has been resolved for her, so we can know for sure vaginismus isn't an issue. Welcome to the boards, k1tty. Do just make a point of checking dates on posts: when they're months old like this, even if and when an issue hasn't been resolved for a user, they'll rarely be checking old posts to see if there are new responses.)

@heather Sure. But 2 out of 1000 seems far from rare. Seeing how there's millions of girls on this planet. So I said "kind of common". And why is it so I guess offensive to use the word loose or big when describing a vagina? You say lax but that's the same as saying relaxed which can be described as loose also, there for can be described as big too. Some just get pissy about that word especially when it's the truth. When you list examples just as childbirth or menopause, you forgot genetics. Genetics can very well and just as likely cause looseness/muscle tone, depth or size variation like with any other body or any other "situation" as you put it. Couldn't find a easier way to message this privately.

Hey there.

So, really, genetics still don't change the fact that the vagina isn't really something that has a static size. It's not that it's offensive to say otherwise, it's that a big part of what we do here, and have always assured people we are committed to doing in the 17+ years we've been online, is to do all we can to make sure people get accurate information. That includes making corrections in user replies or comments to anything on the site as needed when things stated as fact are not factual or are stated in a way we think may be misleading.

And the fact is that there isn't a given "size" of the vaginal canal. The very back of that canal, the pelvic floor, behind the pubic bone, does have size variations that are more static (though even those are differences only tend to range between about 30 millimeters), but the vaginal canal as a whole is a closed tube when nothing is inside of it, so describing it as big or small amongst people just isn't factual.

By all means, language like "common" or "uncommon" can be pretty arbitrary (though I didn't say rare, I said not common). However, as a word, common means something that is what is usual -- as opposed to unusual -- and frequent -- as opposed to infrequent. As an example to compare with, the failure rate of the birth control pill in perfect use is around that same figure, and we certainly would not say BC pill failures in perfect use and clinical trials are common, we'd say they're uncommon, because what would be common with that statistic would be effectiveness, not failure. Make sense?

For future reference, btw, at the bottom of every board page is a link that says "contact us." So, when a thread would get hijacked with a post and you don't want to start your own but want to communicate with us, that's the easy way to do that.

I agree. You're right on there being no static size, of course not the vagina wouldn't be as fun if that was the case. But I'm just saying just because it's stretchy organ doesn't mean that it can't have different default/resting and arousal sizes or limits of its stretching for each individual girl. I feel like your saying that all vaginas are basically the same or very close in which I disagree along with millions of other people who say that yes there are different sizes, tauntness, muscle tone, whatever you want to call it. Like for example socks. Socks big or small, long or short, all close when nothing's in it. Doesn't change the face they can still be bigger/smaller , longer/shorter. Even the first few inches / the opening, can be different. Some gape, some don't, some are looser. So I don't completely understand where you're headed with your eplanation.

And well 30 millimeters , 1 inch basically is a big enough to make a difference in feeling. But yeah then again not everyone varies specifically just 30 millimeters. Is it so hard to just say and admit that everyone comes in difference shapes and sizes? No matter what caused it, wether situational or genetically. And that's ok.

I hear you continue to assert that, but it stands counter -- not how flexible or inflexible a canal it can be for people at any given time, or for one person over time in their experience, that's certainly accurate, though the idea a size differential at the very back of the vagina, where there are almost no sensory nerve endings to feel anything with in the first place, creates differences in sexual sensation is not accurate -- to the facts of that anatomy and what those of us who work in the field of sexual and reproductive health know about it based not on anecdote, but on sound study and many years of experience on my part in teaching about this area of human anatomy.

The vagina is a collapsed tube when nothing is inside of it, so we can't talk about "resting" size as a thing, because it just isn't one. You also seem to be suggesting I'm saying things I'm not several times here, and I really can't and won't argue about statements you're ascribing to me that I haven't made.

I can't speak for the millions of people you are addressing, or know who they are, but I can speak for what is currently considered factual with this anatomy in the fields of health that address it.

I'm going to ask that at this point, you please just accept how we talk about this here and trust that as a longstanding and highly awarded source of sexual and reproductive health information is in the way we feel is the most sound based on the sounded sources of information, and that we leave this here (particularly since it's hijacked someone else's thread). By all means, if you feel it serves you best to think about all of this the way you do, I very respectfully support you in that, but as part and parcel of my job here, I both can't continue to engage in arguments like this, per managing my time and our services, and do need to hold certain lines that I assure you aren't intended to create strife or conflict.