Demisexual?

[DeJay1000]

Can a man become Demisexual overtime or be "partially" demisexual? I'd have sexual attractions but unless it's with someone I care for I don't feel pleasure from it. I recieved oral sex from a girl & was erect but got no pleasure or special feeling from it & I didn't care about her. I used a stroker recently and was erect using that but got no pleasure or great feeling out of it either.

If a girl would run her hand up my leg to my private area or kiss me on my neck that would feel good because it has before but oral sex and using a stroker there was no good feeling. I'm a virgin far as intercourse goes and I've only recieved oral sex one time. I feel like my porn addiction may have something to do with this too.

Can someone explain this?

[Sam W]

Hi utbettacalltyr,

So, it's ultimately up to you to decide how you identify in terms of sexual orientation. If you've done some reading on demisexuality and feel that it best describes you, then you can identify that way. If that changes later on, then it changes, and that's not big deal either.

I do want to say that there might be a few other things at play here as well. For one, if you're relatively new to sex, then it may take some time for you to figure out what does give you pleasure, or to find someone who tickles your fancy (or who you at least feel some connection with). And, it could be that you're already learning that certain things aren't for you (like oral sex or a stroker), and yet haven't encountered the thing that do make you feel good.

I also want to check, when you had oral sex with this girl, did you initiate? It sounds like you weren't that into it (or her), so how did it end up happening?

[DeJay1000]

I didn't initiate it at first. She was very, very sexual and to be honest since she was sexual as she was I asked her to do it because I wanted the experience and she agreed to do it. I didn't know she was as sexual as she was when I first dated her and she had a lot of baggage that I was also unaware of that made the relationship horrible so I didn't like her or want to be with her but stayed for complicated reasons... and we wasn't really alone when we did it and I was really concerned we would get caught.

[taylor_alyse]

Hi DeJay1000,

I would like to echo what Sam said in terms of how you're wanting to currently identify--you can identify however you best feel describes you right now , without worrying if it is a permanent identity--it isn't or doesn't have to be!

But it also does sound like there were a lot of other factors at play--your nerves of getting caught, your lack of emotional attachment or even it sounds like enjoyment of the relationship with this girl, etc. To be honest--that sounds perfectly normal to me. To maybe take the pressure off a bit, I don't think any sexual orientation means that every sex act is guaranteed to be awesome! Have you seen this article? http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relat ... ing_bummer