Paranoid about Pregnancy

[sunflowerseeds]

Recently my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. We've been dating for a long time and finally felt that it was the right time. Neither one of us has ever had sex before, so we both did a lot of research to decide how to be as safe as possible. I am currently not on any birth control method. Therefore, we decided to use a condom and spermicide. I actually used VCF. I saw online where it can cause irritation, but I had no problem with it. 15mins before sex I inserted it close to my cervix like the instructions said. We made sure there was no precum on his penis before we put the condom on. We left some room at the tip and made sure it fit properly. After sex, the condom seemed to be fine. No sperm leaked out of it and there were no holes. We had sex a second time and the same process occurred as the first time. VCF inserted properly and condom didn't break. This past weekend we had sex again. I used VCF once again, he used a condom, but he never ejaculated.

Now, you're probably wondering why I am worried. From what I have just told you, it would seem I have a very good chance of not being pregnant. We did everything right. However, I can't get the possibility of me being pregnant out of my head. At first it didn't bother me, but a few days after sex when I was wiping I saw two teeny tiny drops of blood on the tissue. They were probably no bigger than a tiny freckle. It freaked me out. I thought maybe it was implantation bleeding, which I heard is kind of rare. So now I have been paying close attention to my body. I am due to have my period in two days. However, I tend to never be on any type of schedule. According to my period calendar, the first day I had sex I was fertile. So you can see why I am a bit freaked out. Another reason why I guess I am a bit on edge is because sex really wasn't what I thought it would be. My boyfriend was able to achieve an orgasm, but I wasn't. It actually didn't feel good at all. He tried to make sure I enjoyed myself but I just didn't. I feel kind of like my body is broken. Shouldn't sex feel good?

[Sam W]

Hi sunflowerseeds,

So, for the pregnancy worries, start with this piece and see what it tells you:
The Pregnancy Panic Companion
I would also want you to know that, unless your period tracker is having you chart things like temperature or cervical mucus, it's not really able to give you an accurate sense of where you are in your cycle. And, even if it can, there's this to consider:
Let's Dial Down Some (Maybe) Ovulation Freakouts

I also want to touch on how you're feeling about sex in general right now. It sound like it wasn't what you were expecting. Was it painful? Or something else? And when you say you feel broken, can you maybe tell me a little bit what you mean by that?

[sunflowerseeds]

I have read The Pregnancy Companion before I posted this question. I know I shouldn't worry until my period is late. Since I don't have a regular cycle, I should test about 3 weeks after having sex. I do know what we had was protected sex, and pregnancy is unlikely. Right?

Talking about sex in general, it wasn't what I expected. It wasn't painful at all, which surprised me a bit. And it still was special since I had it with my boyfriend who I love very much. He made me feel safe and nothing he did was wrong. However, I feel I sort of disappointed him since I couldn't achieve any orgasm and it wasn't even pleasurable. Though he told me that wasn't true. I guess what I mean by how I feel broken is that I feel my body is defective. Everyone says how amazing sex is and I waited this long and I guess built it up to be this most amazing act but in reality it just was sex. I didn't feel much of anything. Does that make sense?

[Sam W]

Hi sunflowerseeds.

Yes, given that you used protection, your chances of pregnancy are very, very, very low. So now, as the article says you can either wait for your period or wait to test (and we've got info on how to test on the main site should you need it).

That does make sense, and I will tell you that feeling the way you're feeling is not uncommon. We definitely tend to build sex up as this big amazing thing and expect it to be earth shattering, but in reality, the first few times (or more) we have sex it's likely to be a bit fumbly, awkward, or not all that mind blowing. And that can be disappointing, but it definitely does not mean you're broken in any way. Sex, like anything else, takes some practice and exploration, since we're all different and our bodies respond to things in different ways. Too, it can sometimes help to focus less on orgasm and more on general pleasure and playing with your partner to figure out what sensations feel good. So, when you decide to have sex again, that's something to keep in mind. In the meantime, masturbation can be a big help as well. If you get to know your body and what makes it feel good, you can communicate that to your partner in the future.

[sunflowerseeds]

Thanks for the help. You made me feel better. I may be a bit worried still, but this helped a lot.

I have one more question for you. I know if I get on a form of birth control, whether that is the pill, IUD, or something else, I would have greater chance of not becoming pregnant. I would prefer taking birth control pills, but I do not know how to go about this. I am still covered under my parent's insurance, and I know if I went to a doctor it could show up. What would be the best way to make sure they don't find out?

[Sam W]

You're welcome, I'm glad it helped

As far as that goes, you might want to go through our BC bingo page and check out your options (it will ask you questions to try and match you to a method based on your preferences):
Birth Control Bingo!

I would talk to your doctors office about your questions regarding what will show up on the insurance, as they'll have a better sense of it than I do (and may be able to discuss options with you). Too, you could mention this to your parents up front, if you think they'd react okay (you don't have to tell them you're having sex now, you can say that it's for the future (which it is) or that it's to help you regulate your periods (which it will))