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Scared for my Best Friend

When you want support through something scary or rough, and help pulling yourself together and getting through, this is the place.
Forum rules
We ask that users looking for general, ongoing emotional support post in this area of the boards, and that you use this space to both ask for, give and receive that support primarily from each other, rather than from our staff and volunteers. As a staff, we simply are often too overextended with all we need to do in running the organization and its services to do that for extended periods of time, and one of our main aims of our community at the boards has always been to facilitate peers to better be there for each other.

Users often report that they have no in-person peers they can talk to or seek support from: we want this to be a space for online peer support and somewhere everyone can get some practice asking for, getting and giving support so that doing it with people in your lives feels more doable.

Please remember that neither staff, volunteers nor your fellow users can provide or replace mental healthcare when that is something you need. Users struggling with issues like anxiety, depression, abuse or physical health issues are strongly encouraged to seek out qualified, in-person help with those issues in addition to peer or staff support.
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MusicNerd
not a newbie
Posts: 266
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 10:02 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: my creativity
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/they
Sexual identity: queer
Location: USA

Scared for my Best Friend

Unread post by MusicNerd »

so, to cut to the chase-- one of my best friends recently made it known to me and some other folks that a few months ago she was diagnosed with leukemia... and as if that isn't terrifying enough, she's also HIV-positive as well (which I've known about for years) and I have no clue how her health condition in that respect will work with her chemotherapy treatments she's just started.

I just..... i just love her so much, and i'm absolutely terrified for her, and i wish i could tell her everything's gonna be okay and know that 100% for certain... but obviously i can't know that. and all i've been able to do is just offer to continue being her cuddle buddy and have her come over my place whenever she feels the need to, but idk if that's even enough.

I just don't know what to do and i'm really scared and i don't want her to see how afraid i am because she's already scared enough herself and i feel like i need to be strong for her... and yeah, that's basically what i'm dealing with at the moment and i just had to tell someone :(
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9731
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Scared for my Best Friend

Unread post by Heather »

I couldn't be more sorry to hear this. :(

I assume she is all hooked up with healthcare and some mental health support?

It's always hard when people we love get very ill, but I feel like it's especially hard when it happens to someone young when we're young, because it's just not usually something anyone even thinks to be emotionally prepared for.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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MusicNerd
not a newbie
Posts: 266
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 10:02 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: my creativity
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/they
Sexual identity: queer
Location: USA

Re: Scared for my Best Friend

Unread post by MusicNerd »

yeah, i'm fairly certain she's good healthcare-wise, but i actually haven't asked about what mental health support she's got going on or not. i should probably check in with her about that.

i know, it was really unexpected...... yeah, when i think of illnesses, i tend to automatically think of people who are much older and not in my age-range at all (even though i know logically that doesn't make any sense). it's just been really tough to deal with, but i also can't even begin to imagine how much scarier it must be for her...
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss
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Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9731
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Scared for my Best Friend

Unread post by Heather »

I hear you.

One thing you might ask her to ask her doctors about is for a referral to support groups. That could be something you offer to go with her for -- especially if they have something that is also for friends and family -- so that you both can get some extra support, and you can also offer her the kind of solidarity you want to.

I'm also glad to listen if you want to talk more.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
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MusicNerd
not a newbie
Posts: 266
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 10:02 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: my creativity
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/they
Sexual identity: queer
Location: USA

Re: Scared for my Best Friend

Unread post by MusicNerd »

yeah, that sounds like a really good idea. I'll def bring it up with her.

thanks, I'll probably have more of a chance to talk after I get out of work for the day :/
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss
Top
MusicNerd
not a newbie
Posts: 266
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 10:02 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: my creativity
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/they
Sexual identity: queer
Location: USA

Re: Scared for my Best Friend

Unread post by MusicNerd »

okay I'm back! I mean.... I don't really have many other things to say except how much I wish this wasn't happening and how other things that I worry about seem so trivial in comparison, you know? it's also just scary not knowing how much time we have left together. like, I'm tearing up right now just thinking about how little I know about the future here...
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss
Top
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9731
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Scared for my Best Friend

Unread post by Heather »

I get it. Maybe, for both of you, planning some special time together would be a good thing? How about even seeing if you can do something big together you have always wanted to do?
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Top
MusicNerd
not a newbie
Posts: 266
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 10:02 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: my creativity
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/they
Sexual identity: queer
Location: USA

Re: Scared for my Best Friend

Unread post by MusicNerd »

we actually just had a sleepover that we planned on pretty short-notice, and that was definitely necessary. :) I'm gonna ask her what kind of big thing she thinks we could do together (we both really like to travel so it'll probably be something along those lines).
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss
Top
Heather
scarleteen founder & director
Posts: 9731
Joined: Sun Jul 27, 2014 11:43 am
Age: 54
Awesomeness Quotient: I have been a sex educator for over 25 years!
Primary language: english
Pronouns: they/them
Sexual identity: queery-queer-queer
Location: Chicago

Re: Scared for my Best Friend

Unread post by Heather »

Perfect!

Would you like any reading about coping when a loved one is seriously ill? If so, I can build you a little book list later today or tomorrow.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead
Top
MusicNerd
not a newbie
Posts: 266
Joined: Fri Aug 15, 2014 10:02 am
Age: 30
Awesomeness Quotient: my creativity
Primary language: english
Pronouns: she/they
Sexual identity: queer
Location: USA

Re: Scared for my Best Friend

Unread post by MusicNerd »

yes, please! that'd be really awesome, thanks Heather
"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss
Top
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