Scarleteen

Me and my boyfriend have been trying to have sex. But we are not able to do the final act. I start feeling a large amount of pain whenever he tries to go in. But when he inserts two fingers in, i feel no pain. We both are virgins so its the first time for us. What could be the reason and solution for this?

Hi rosegarden,

Here's an article that will likely address your concerns: First Intercourse 101

The short answer is: make sure you are fully aroused and lubricated (using lube is always a good idea! Even lubricated condoms often do not have enough lube on them), and go slowly. Make sure you both feel totally comfortable with everything that's happening, and check in with each other often.

Can I also ask a few questions to see if we can help you refine this troubleshooting?

1) When you are trying intercourse, what's happened before? Lots of other kinds of sexual activity you really enjoy? Are you only trying when, basically, you feel like you're so turned on you can't wait another freaking minute?

2) Before you're trying, are you worrying about pain or this "not working?" Or is that all out of your mind, and you're just all caught up in the moment and feeling good?

3) You say when he inserts fingers you feel no pain, but does that feel good, not just not-painful?

4) Are you two experimenting with positions, angles, more lubricant, etc? As you're trying things, are you telling him what feels better or worse?