Scarleteen

(There is a considerable amount of background story here, you can skip to the main point at the bottom. But it might be helpful to get some backstory.)

Ok, this may be fairly light compared to some other things posted here but I feel the need to talk about this. I recently (recently, recently, almost half a year ago now) got out of a fairly long (by our standards) relationship with a girl. It was a difficult break up and I was destroyed after it. It seemed like she moved on quite quickly. I was moping about but after a while my friends helped me and I thought I was done with that chapter. I felt like I didn't need her anymore in our relationship.

A few months pass and a girl that I was interested in reveals that she has a crush on me (I'm going to call her Anna). She also got out of a longer relationship with her boyfriend a bit before I broke up with mine. Anna isnone of my best friends and we are both unto videogames and nerdy things in general. We're both smart and have similar tastes in nerdy things (which is rare because of the diverse nature of needy things and their tendency to start arguments ).

Anyway. We are a very fitting match (if you don't look at a 40 cm height difference). Well. We decide to go on a date and it all goes well. We have a great time, we go on more dates, do things together in general, spend time together. But (Here it comes). My ex girlfriend that I broke up with (call her Emma, why not) announces she also has feelings for me. Now, I'm not expert... At all... But there is a very largely believed hypothesis in my group of friends that she want some attention back (she for a lot of attention being my girlfriend), doesn't matter. But then, getting to the actual point: I don't know if Im ACTUALLY emotionally done with her. I thought I was. And I'm not saying that I dont like Anna, I like Anna maybe even more, but I have a slight sense of guilt and helplessness because I don't really know what's going on. And I'm one of those people who doesn't like not knowing what's going on.

So, to summarise, I'm dating a girl I like tremendously, but my ex with whom I thought I was "over with" I'm not even though I want to be. I don't want to like her but I do. Does that make sense? I hope it does. Please answer at your earliest convenience Internet. Kind of counting on you. Thanks!

Hello LegoUnicorn,

Welcome to Scarleteen!

Well, you may have expected this answer, but we can't tell you what you feel deep down. However, if you know that you are happier not being in a relationship with your ex-- that you know in your gut you want to continue moving on from her, that is what you should do.

Have you seen this article? http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relat ... irst_loves

Something I find really helpful is the idea that we don't actually "fall into love", as if we have no control over our emotions. Yes, sometimes we feel things that are outside our rationality, but that doesn't mean we have to run with that. Hollywood has made the idea that the most passionate relationships are always the best, or "the one". However, in reality we choose love based on the type of relationship we want to be in with a person that has certain characteristics, values, etc. and that brings out the best in us, a relationship in which both partners shine--thats what the best relationships do. In this moment, I would advise you to think about what each relationship does for the personal, emotional and spiritual growth of all involved, and go from there.
Does that make sense?

Really--it sounds like you already know what to do. Go with your gut!

Also, although it sounds rumored, the idea that she is pursuing you again for attention is a red flag to me. Check out this article too: http://www.scarleteen.com/article/relat ... hould_i_go

Does that clear things up at all for you?

Thanks for the quick reply taylor_alyse.

I'll start off withthe attention thing, its definitely a red flag for most people that I talk to as well. Even my mom thinks it is, (For clarification here, I talk to her a bit, but not more than I have to. I don't really know why. She doesn't know about a lot of the information in the original post) so its good to hear from someone here that it is as well.

In the article about Losing First love etc. (The virtual comforting cup of tea. Love that) it states that when you end things with someone even if you try and rekindle it, it will never be the same. And we had a great time together but we have done the terrible thing and grown apart (this is my ex I'm talking about here, obviously) so I don't think that will ever work as well.

And with my current girlfriend, we are in a healthy relationship (I'm judging by my standards and what the article about staying and going said). So, yeah, I'll go with the ol' gut.

I just want to also say thanks for the reply, I realize that it's really just confirmation on what I probably already knew but you can't imagine (or you probably can) how great it feels to talk to someone like this. Even through the internet (love the internet...). So thanks

I found scarleteen at about 2 o'clock in the morning my time because I couldn't sleep and I was poking around on my phone and I read (let's call it what it is) a crap-tonne of articles, all of which were very interesting and helpful and I wanted to join the community because its such a good idea as well...

Anyway. Thanks for the help

Of course, LegoUnicorn! I'm glad we could help.